I have a boyfriend

At first I was scared. Then confused, then worried. But now I am sure. Sure that this is what I want. After a long deliberation last night, we both decided to try this out. You started asking me questions. Questions that I didn’t really want to answer, about people that were in my past, well past meaning within the last three months, past but still fairly recent. So you get upset when I begin to tell you a few things, about when and how long and so on. But I can’t help what I have done in the past, all I can do is be who I am now. And I can promise you that I will not do anything to jeopardize what you and I have.

I was tested this weekend, when my flesh was weak and low on my KK intake. But I refused to turn back and do what I would call a “quick fix” because I care too much about you and your feelings. At first I thought, I would never be able to move on past T, but I have well, as far as I know. Maybe not completely but with time and continued space that will be the only option. You have made it so that I don’t want to be with anyone else, where I want to be with you, as much as possible, kinda sickening, but true .

You said to me, are you sure? Because you aren’t looking to have “just a girlfriend” hmm which makes sense, cause I don’t “just have boyfriends” so I guess once again…it works.

The next issue will be you leaving to move back to Chicago…could I live there? Will I be living there? Wow I cant think about that right now, but yeh. I still have time to think about that, we will see how things go after you leave.

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March 21, 2005

im very happy for u boo even if i cant express it right now cause im selfish and hurting. but u know me, and i know u….so u get what im saying :). as long as ur smiling i know ur ok!

March 29, 2005

so we’ve already discussed this so i’m not gonna say anything, you know i’m happy 4 u. but what i am gonna say is that little smiley face with the hearts coming out on this entry is really annoying. haha, i luv u! 🙂