Be your girlfriend?

Huh? Where did that come from? Well I guess I can understand where it came from but what I cant understand is why so soon? Things were going so well, so, so slow.  Just the way I needed it to be.  I need to feel things out.  I need to know if you could be that one, that one to fulfill those spaces.  The one to make me forget about every other man.  Nothing wrong with you, but like you, I also have a lot of loose ends that could use some tying up…if that is even possible with one in particular.  But I guess you didn’t like my response to your statement of something other than the word “yes”.  Cause you left in the middle of the night, with no hug goodbye, nothing.  I still don’t know how to feel about this.  I asked if you planning to not talk to me anymore and there was no response. 

Its just too soon. I need time.

Its not fair to me.  Yes I do like you, yes I do enjoy spending time with you.  Yes I could see myself with you in the future, BUT it gets kinda gray.  Gray because of my feelings for someone else.  HIM of course, I have tried and tried to put him out of my head, but the smallest little significant things keep bringing him back.  Why that is, I don’t know.  Maybe its me not letting go, or maybe its him.  I just wish I could separate the two.  I still love him.  Even though I have made it seem more like an out of sight out of mind.

Truth is.  For me to say that I would be with you right now, could be very dangerous for you.  Because if HE was to call and want to see me, I would be on the next plane.  I just don’t understand why the rush?  Its been 3 weeks that you and I have been talking daily and hanging out weekly. I have known you for 6 months why the sense of urgency.  Especially when you are moving in May?

Is this some kind of sick joke?  What am I doing? Why cant I commit to you?