Full Circle

"I lament the loss of a life in Manchester. And the chance to do an undergraduate course in linguistics."

I wrote that in this diary a little over eight years ago, on my own A-level results day. In brief, things have come full circle, because I am indeed going to study Linguistics at Manchester, though at postgraduate level.

When I think about it much, I get anxious, and have to employ the self-calming techniques I’ve developed over the past few years (not consciously – just I can now push that clammy, tachycardic nausea below the surface, and drift off to sleep most of the time). Still, it’s what I’ve always claimed I wanted. No: it is what I wanted all along, but even now I daren’t admit it. Because maybe it will not live up to my indistinct hopes, and then I’ll be left with nothing.

I start in a few short weeks. In the meantime, I have plenty to content with. I need to read some textbooks, prepare the house (or I should say, finish preparing) for my brother and his girlfriend, who are visiting in three weeks), and maybe I need to go and visit my dad, who is fairly ill in hospital (though I don’t want to, for reasons I may discuss in a future entry).