wow

Nearly 5 months since I’ve written. I haven’t gotten onto the site since the last time I wrote.

Still at this job I started back in April. It’s fast pace, never really had a slow day or week (there were moments that seemed slow). But feel more stress compared to my last job. Getting paid more than last job

Still living with Aaron as roommates. He has his drama stuff. I’ve been starting to look at a different place, can’t afford the crazy prices. I don’t want an apartment cause my dog barks and whines too much. I don’t have enough money to buy house. I Aaron and I have days that are OK at best.

My birthday is coming up soon (the 20th). I’m looking forward to it. The plan is to go out for food and drinks (I don’t work Fridays). The weekend after is my college homecoming (well, it’s that week, but the football game and parade are the 22). So I’ll attend.

My mental health has been awful this entire year. So many issues with Aaron. Him and I talked a little about getting us back on the right track. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t think I want to try. We had the term of dating for 7.5 years. I realize now there were issues early on, things I should have ran from back then. Now I feel I can’t fully leave cause of my dog (like I said, he barks and whines a lot, and lack of money to support myself). Yes, I could look for someone who needs a roommate in a house….I honestly don’t think I want a roommate. I want to be by myself. I holding out false hope Aaron will move out of this house. We’re renting it….and it’s cheap (2 bedrooms, 1 bath, main level and basement). $500 total a month (250 a person).

I feel I hate everyone. I hate society and their standards. Years ago people kept saying I should have a boyfriend….I get one. I was 27 at the time and had my first boyfriend. I’ve never dated anyone before Aaron. Then I get all these issues. When I mentioned issues to certain people years ago, I was told that relationships are never easy, have to learn to live with someone.

Once shit got bad here earlier this year, people said I should leave. I honestly don’t know what’s normal for a relationship. No one ever talks about the bad but “everyone” goes thru bad parts in their relationships?!

We’ve lived together for 8 years now. I realize now over the years I’ve been mentally and emotionally damaged (or burned).

While I feel I hate everyone, I’ve asked people for help to move out…..asked for a place to temporarily stay. FUCKING NO ONE WILL HELP. No one to help me move out my belongings (bed, dresser, couch….the small stuff I can get). While I know people, turns out I have 0 friends. I’m so mad with everyone.