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If you could relive one event in your life what would it be?

My sister always says to “go with your first thought” (she was referring to picture poses).

The event that came to my mind was New Years Eve 2004. I was 18. I had a male friend. I wouldn’t put the label of “boyfriend” with it. But basically we had that kind of relationship with out the technical term. For a few months we’d always be at his apartment (he was 21), had meals with each other multiple times a week.

For New Years Eve he wanted to go back to his hometown. His friend from high school, who was in the Army, was back home. The friends parents had a party. So the guy asked if I wanted to go with him. I agreed. I lied to my mom (99% sure my mom knew I was lying), I didn’t want her to freak out (whole new story). The town was over an hour away.

That was the night I first experienced the female wetness. I had no idea what was going on. I thought I had my period (it really wasn’t). I didn’t know why that was happening. I was only holding hands with the guy, something we really didn’t do before. I also didn’t realize it was common for people to kiss at midnight. I was too pure at that age

Once everything from the party settled down, we went to the guy’s childhood home. His parents and siblings were in the neighboring town for a celebration.

The guy showed me his old bedroom, asked if I wanted to sleep in that bed with him. I had a freak out moment. It finally all clicked what he had in mind, something he had wanted for a little while.

I didn’t sleep in his bed. Sex never happened.

I slept in his sisters bed. He woke me up the next morning and said “good morning sunshine”. Melted my heart.

A few weeks after he told me he didn’t think he could do anything with me anymore (the meals, spending time together). He wanted sex and clearly, I wasn’t ready. He told me I was too “innocent and naïve”

I think about New Years Eve 2004 every once in awhile. What if I did have sex for the first time that night? I think part of my life would have been different. Different experiences about love and boys.

I was such a dork in my teens. I never knew how to talk to boys, never had male friends (besides this guy). I was heartbroken. I thought I’d never have another male friend, thought I’d never have the chance for sex again.

I did enjoy that particular New Years Eve. It was the start of me opening my eyes to the world