oh banans
In case you haven’t been reading me I have to say this first. Aaron and I are doing an open relationship. We’ve been together for 4 years, doing the open relationship for 2 years. It was my idea. We are on a specific site as a couple. I haven’t been on the site in months, Aaron checks it a couple times a week and does 99% of the talking.
So Aaron started talking to this couple (not sure who specifically he started talking to, lady or guy). So Aaron gave my number to the guy. We sent some texts. We had a phone call last night. So this guy had questions about our profile, something wasn’t clear. The site has a spot for ‘kinks’. The site can’t separate a ‘his kinks’ vs ‘her kinks’.
The guy is upset that the kinks aren’t mine. The kinks are what Aaron likes or would do to ladies, if they desire.
One of the kinks says ‘dirty talk’. I’m open to that to an extent. The guy asked if I want to be called a slut or whore during dirty talk. I told him ‘NO’. For me it’s degrading (if you like it, that’s fine. Just not my thing). He asked about spanking….I said only gentle. He wasn’t happy about that.
He sent naked pics of his girl to my phone. I told him naked lady pics don’t turn me on and not to send them to me.
He said he had a vasectomy and he was safe (safe in the sperm sense). I told him I want the guy to wear condoms. He got silent. He wasn’t happy about that either. ARE YOU MOTHER FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! Sorry for that language, I use that language when I’m upset.
Condoms help prevent STI’s (STD’s)!
Not using a condom is a HUGE deal breaker for me.
Last night Aaron and I talked about just meeting this couple. It was up to me. I said ‘yes’.
This morning I had 2nd thoughts. I even vented about having 2nd thoughts.
The guy sent Aaron a few texts that basically said it wasn’t fair Aaron could ‘fuck his girl anyway Aaron wanted’ but this guy couldn’t ‘fuck me the way he wants’. EXCUSE YOU! My BODY. I have the right to tell you ‘NO’ or ‘I’m not comfortable with certain things’. Aaron told this guy it was my decision to have gentle sexual experiences.
Aaron never specifically said how he’d ‘fuck’ the guy’s girl. Just on the site Aaron listed kinks. Aaron knows to RESPECT what the ladies. The other lady is open to the kinks that Aaron listed, but Aaron never specifically said he’d be rough or gentle.
So this guy is taking what I told him out of proportion.
Sorry, but this guy sounds like an asshole. Please, say no. He has never even met you and he’s already got expectations of you that you’re not interested in living up to. And the “it’s not fair” bullshit is exactly that – bullshit. Sex isn’t about what’s fair. It’s about pleasing each other.  If you’re not comfortable with what pleases him and he’s not satisfied with what pleases you, how can you expect anything from this guy but abuse?
I hope I don’t sound judgmental. I’m not. I have tried open relationships. They don’t work for me, but I know people for whom they do work.
I’m really just saying these things because this guy gives me the creeps and I’m concerned for you. Your husband should be, too, if you don’t mind my saying so.
@oniongirl You aren’t judgmental. Just honest. We aren’t going to meet that guy anymore. A couple days ago he me pics of what he looked like. I thought he looked like a creep. Even told Aaron that. I figured I could try to give the random guy the time of day and get past looks. But his personality showed and I’m done with him.
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Not using a condom is not even a goddamn option. Also this whole process needs to be as much fun and/or adventurous for you as it is for Aaron.
@dahveed The guy said he wanted me to ‘keep an open mind about NOT using a condom’. Um, nope. Not gonna keep an open mind about that. Aaron and I made the condom rule when we first started the open relationship. It’s all about protection on many levels
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How does someone turn a typical relationship with just 2 people and anything outside of that is cheating, to making it an open relationship, or a relationship with free passes? I have my head a little confused about a friend of mine and I have wondered about open relationships, I just don’t know how to apprach it. How did you guys do it?
Thanks a mill Xx
@gethimoutofmyhead I kinda brought up the idea to my boyfriend while we were drinking. I said I had a friend who I use to see (before boyfriend) and friend was in an open relationship. This friend was pushing for me to have a boyfriend. And I hadn’t talked to the friend since I was with boyfriend.
Boyfriend was curious about open relationship stuff after I said it
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