mother

Last weekend I went to my mom’s to see her for an early Mother’s Day event. My mom lives just under 3 hours north of me. Mom told my older sister that she (mom) would go to her (sister) graduation in Wisconsin. I don’t have enough vacation time so I couldn’t go to Wisconsin. Sister had some ceremony event on Friday. And I think something today? It’s a 7.5-8 hour drive one way to Madison, WI so I wouldn’t have made it to any event.

So last Saturday I spent a few hours with my mom. Gave her a card, printed off some pics from my phone for her, and got her some flowers. We went out for ice cream. She made a simple meal at home for us (she had it started while I was driving).

I told my mom how I did the 23 and Me thing. Told her about some of the health stuff. I mentioned the cancer stuff they tested and how I had 0 variants of that. Her response was basically, ‘oh cool, we don’t have cancer in the family’……while she was SMOKING! Really?! Are you kidding me?

Then I told my mom there were other factors to cancer: being in the sun too much could give skin cancer, pollution/smog/smoke could lead to lung cancer. I don’t know if she picked up on the hint that cigarettes are bad. My sisters have tried to tell her to stop smoking in the past.

My mom asked if I was gonna stay there for the night or drive back home. I told my mom I’d leave (I don’t want to stay in a smoke infested house). I ended up getting a hotel room cause I wanted some alone time. Aaron knew I was getting the room, he was ok with me needing alone time.

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A couple days ago my sister text me to tell me mom wasn’t going to Wisconsin anymore. Sister was upset. Sister has told everyone in the family months ago about her graduation. I told sister months ago I’d make it….but then I got sick and had to use vacation time….then got snow days and couldn’t work….so had to use vacation time….so back in late March I told my sister things might not work out. But mom kept saying she was gonna go to the graduation the whole time until a couple days ago. Sister was looking forward to her coming. Mom was never the one to call my sister, sister called mom….mom said she was ‘sick’.

Sister doesn’t fully believe mom was sick. Sister asked me if anything came up while I was at mom’s house a week ago. I said no. Mom has a history of all of a sudden she can’t make it. Mom uses the ‘sick’ and ‘couldn’t get off work’ excuse a lot. Mom has done that since we were teenagers.

Sister thinks mom has some anxiety issues that make her not want to do things. Sister also thinks mom didn’t want to come cause our dad and step mom were gonna be at the graduation.

My sisters have a hard time understanding the concept of ‘I don’t want to go because I just don’t want to do it/anything‘. And that’s why my mom has these last minute ‘sick’ or ‘work’ issues as to not doing something.

Yes, I think part of it is my mom doesn’t want to see my dad and step mom. Yes, I think it’s the drive out there (kinda long for 1 way) and my mom has always had unreliable vehicles. While my sister who lives in South Dakota could have taken mom to Wisconsin, mom likes the comfort of her own vehicle. Mom wants to listen to her own music and smoke (none of us will let mom smoke in a car and none of us will listen to country music, which mom likes). So there are a lot of things that make my mom anxious if she can’t have her way. I understand my mom just not wanting to go…..I didn’t really want to go to the graduation either.

It’s true I don’t really have any vacation time. I only have 11 hours right now of it (I get 3.08 hours every pay check). Work makes us take either 4 or 8 hours of vacation at a time. Work doesn’t offer any sick time….so if I’m sick, there goes vacation time…and if I get sick again, I need to have time. I guess when work had the snow days, I could have taken the day as unpaid…..but I just got a car back in January so I need money for those payments.

Anyway, sister is upset mom all of a sudden ‘can’t’ make it to Wisconsin. Mom could be sick….or just making excuses. I understand that her graduation is a big deal to her and she wants mom there. Just the long drive…being around a bunch of people that you don’t know and don’t like (mom has issues with dad and step mom)….I can understand why mom doesn’t want to go.

I told sister that mom didn’t even want to drive the 3 hours to come see me and other sister (me and 1 sister live in the same town).

I told sister (wisconsin sister) that mom could be sick cause when I saw mom last week, mom kept complaining about her teeth. Mom went to the dentist and had some work done recently (teeth pulled, cavities). And mom smoking, maybe the smoke was affecting the pulled teeth area.

Mom only went to sisters masters graduation (not the undergrad…now sister is getting doctorates). Mom didn’t enjoy being at the masters graduation cause it was long and there were issues with dad and step mom. I know I’m rambling now.

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All week I’ve been going into work around 5:30ish AM. and left work around 4ish. I’ve been doing 9.5-10 hour days. Yesterday at work Aaron sent me a text asking if I wanted to meet a couple Friday night. My heart wasn’t in it but I said ‘sure’. I didn’t want to fight him on it. While we’ve been doing the open relationship, I haven’t done much networking. Aaron doesn’t like that. So I give in and say ok when he wants to set something up.

So after working 9.5 hours yesterday (being awake since 5 AM), I had to quickly shower and put myself together (look presentable). Then Aaron tells me we have to drive an hour to see them…..which means ME driving cause Aaron doesn’t want to take his car out of town, ever (I’m very anal about others driving my car). Aaron’s horrible about making plans….other than ‘going to Sioux City’ nothing was set up/planned. I asked where we were meeting….Aaron said “I don’t know yet, they still have to get back to me on that”. Then I asked if it was a ‘sure thing’ that we’re meeting. Aaron said “I’m still waiting to hear back about that cause they need a babysitter”. I asked if we needed to pick up some food on the way there, he said “they mentioned food with them”.

Well, we made it to Sioux City to a casual bar…..to find out this couple ALREADY ATE! I was beyond freaking hungry at this point….cause I had a bag of chips for breakfast, I got a couple things out of the vending machine for lunch. I had no real food all day.

The bar we went to has food…..but it comes from a food truck that is only on site during certain hours…..and we were there when the food truck wasn’t. So I was annoyed.

I don’t think I gave a good impression cause I was tired, worked nearly 50 hours this week, no food, no time to relax.