cut off

I know I didn’t finish my last entry. That’s because Aaron came into the bedroom. Which is why I prefer to write when he’s not home.

Anyway, continuting from my last entry.

Friend asked me if I still write in here. I said I do but not much. Besides from not writing cause Aaron and I are basically home around the same time every day, I feel I’m always too depressing. I write depressing stuff or stuff that holds no value to the reader. Friend asked if the diary community ever offers me advice. I say “NO”. I know it’s a 2 way street…..to get notes I have to leave notes on others, which I rarely do.

Since the last entry, life has been a roller coaster of emotions. Somedays I’m a little better than ok. Other days I can’t stop crying. I feel I’m dealing with my emotions and dealing with Aaron’s….and dealing with 2 sets of emotions is exhausting. But I can’t stop caring about other people’s emotions, it’s who I am.

I haven’t felt the Christmas spirit much in the past few weeks. This time of year has always been my favorite. Aaron and I exchanged our Christmas gifts. We had bought stuff before things went downhill. Niether one of us had wrapped the stuff. Aaron had a genuine smile on a couple of the gifts I got him, which made me happy to see. A couple of the other things, I’m not sure he was thrilled. A couple of the things reminded him of his ‘friend’ he’s trying to get over. I told him it was ok to get rid of the one gift..as far as the other gift, I said he could give it to his dad.

Aaron and I are gonna be friends without the term of dating. Last night we actually had a (mostly) good night out. One of the better times we’ve had in weeks. I want this to be the start of a good thing. Or better thing. Just fear things will change again drastically soon. Both of us have emotions all over the place.

Boss asked me weeks ago why I was so sad lately. I blamed it on being tired. Only partially true. I can’t deal with telling people in real life about stuff yet (don’t want to cry). I need to deal with myself and my emotions and mental stability before I tell others