Aug 12 “Holiday”

In my part of the world I’m 5 hours away from Aug 12. I figured I’d write a little early

I have a calendar at home that has reasons to celebrate every day (http://www.nationaldaycalendar.com). One of the reason’s to celebrate Aug 12 is National Middle Child Day.

I’m a middle child.

There are articles about a ‘middle child syndrome’. I feel it’s more psychological than an actual syndrome (other middle children may feel differently). I reflected on this a lot the last few days. As a child I felt angry, felt like I was the odd one. I felt like no one was truly listening to me. My younger sister remembers my loud, high pitched screams. I use to bite, even as an 8 year old. Screaming and biting seemed to be the only way I could get someone to pay attention to me or listen. Maybe to get my way too. I felt like I didn’t get my way much.

My older sister was/still is a perfect child. At an early age teachers were “delighted” to have me as a student because “Melanie was a delight, I’m excited to have you too.” I felt like I was compared to my older sister a lot. I felt some pressure to be like her, but I’m fairly different than her.

Part of the middle child syndrome suggests (from the internet) that a middle child feels neglected. I felt that sometimes. I feel every parent loves the first born, everything is new, exciting, scary, worried. **Not with the 2nd child.** I feel parents love the youngest child, the last baby….have to protect, spoil them because you don’t want the youngest to grow up.

I felt like I never fit in with anyone, anywhere, any situation. Felt like I was/still am going thru life in a daze. I often feel I don’t have a purpose. I remember being 12-14 years old and wanting to kill myself. I wanted to die because I felt lonely, out of place, continued to feel no one was listening to me.

I wonder if all middle children feel like this? Is it just the middle child out of 3 kids that feel this way? What about a family of 4 kids, do the 2 in the middle feel out of place? Or a family of 5+ kids. The internet defines a middle child in big families as the 2nd born.

I have 2 sisters (0 brothers). My sisters always got along the best. I get along with both of my sisters equally, but never has been a great relationship with either one of them, even as little kids. To this day, I don’t talk to them much. My sisters talk to each other often, they FaceTime, Skype, or whatever.

I live in the same town as 1 of my sisters. We almost never see each other. The only time we see each other is when another family member comes into town. The last 5 years we lived in the same town, last 10 years we’ve lived within a half an hour of each other. I’ve tried to invite her over to my place, got a lot of rejections from her. She never invites me to her house unless other family is there.

I still feel some neglect, out of place with my sisters. If I mention to them about this, I don’t know what to talk to them about. If talking on the phone I’ll talk for maybe 5-10 minutes. If I see either sister in person I’d be ok with maybe an hour of talk time. And phone/in person would still seem awkward.