The Sad Princess :(

I am so sad!!!

I should be smiling, I know. I have everything a woman should want….a nice family, a loving boyfriend, great friends….but still I am sad!

Today was no better than yesterday.

I told my friend, Ivonne what my boss ‘Vader’ said to me on Tuesday and she took his side.

She told me that I should be more careful not to use the Net so much at work!!!!

Hello!!!!???? I only use it for 5 minutes to check my e-mail and say hello briefly to Alex.

I don’t see why, if I do my job should I be punished for having a bit of privileges at work WHEN the girls downstairs do NOTHING but chit chat, gossip, and neglect their duties!!!! I mean really…..MaryAnne just spends her workday talking about her life…to all the patrons, co-workers, and other people who come to the library. Annette waltzes to work a half hour late every Tuesday, disappears for 45 minutes a day during her break! The patrons’ cards are poorly filed downstairs. They don’t even bother to imput the patrons’ names and information on the computer! WHY on earth should I be admonished for using the Net?

I am responsible for creating ALL the Childrens’ events, creating the monthly calenders, hosts the Arts-‘N-Crafts, plan the Friday movies, host the Story Hour, order the childrens’ books, attend to the public,

supervise the children on the Internet, check the shelves for over-due books…etc. I am so unhappy! They make me feel that I am in the wrong!

Ivonne has admonished me for not carrying out my duties properly! Who is she? Who is she to tell me how to do my job? I feel attacked! I don’t like to be made to feel so scrutinized like this! I know what I have to do from moment to moment. I don’t need monkeys behind my back checking to see if and when I perform my duties. They make me feel like I am not doing my job! 🙁

I got a doctor’s note which I will give to Vader saying that I am under his care and that I am not suppose to do any heavy lifting. I should have done that from day one! Now nobody will ever dare tell me to move furniture from one side of the library to the other!

Alex came on around 4PM (US) time, thanking me for all the e-mails, Cd’s, cards, and pictures I have sent him. He used the phrase, “Mary, My Love..” He made me feel so good when I felt so bad.

I am hoping beyond all hope that he will always, always love me. Sometimes I feel ashamed for feeling so down and complaining so much. I just can’t help it sometimes….I am a whiner and nothing can ever make me stop whining. I’ve suffered so much in life already and I am only beginning to learn how to get better.

Oh, God….please send Alex to me and keep him under your care. He needs me so much as I need him.

SensualRose @}>->->->-