4/12/00

Dear Heart

The ride of love can be compared to the ebbing and flowing of the tides.

Love, I believe, is like a rollercoster, as the cliche often says. One day the car takes us to the summit of happiness, and the next it drops you 100 miles an hour down a precepiece.

I got home at 5PM. I am exhausted!

I turned on my computer and spoke to a few people on ICQ.

I wrote another poem “April” a bit earlier.

I submitted it to http://www.lovingyou.com.

I am still a bit depressed. I have suffered from depression ever since I was a little girl. 🙁

Thank God I have gotten better over the years.

There are periods of happiness most of the times, but then again, at times, especially once a month, I cannot help but feel sadness in my heart.

That sadness, thank God, and that empty hole inside my heart has been replaced by joy now that Alex is in my life. I’ve never felt so much joy, love, and happiness than now!

I know that at times I get carried away and I can’t help but think of him every waking hour, but in my heart I feel nothing but joy and love when i think of Axle Bear. I just hope that he will understand my over-zealousness. Yes, I can be possessive and too giving, but that is part of my nature. I will promise not to nag nor suffocate him or make rash demands, but I just can’t help but think of him every waking hour and to send him nice things like CD’s, little gifts, or e-mails and letters.

I am also working so hard on my self-esteem. I am a very emotional and sensitive woman. In my childhood I was so very shy and suffered from low-self esteem and insecurities. 🙁 I must say that ever since I went on-line and began to talk to a zillion people around the globe and have made a couple of strong aquaintances around the world, I’ve restored my self-concept. Now I am a bold woman who knows how to smile and make friend. I have charm, poise, and personality. I am not a tease…just a woman who likes to have honest, clean fun. I have gotten so much stronger and I do hold myself in self regard. I’ve accomplished so much in life! I do deserve the very best! I am working so very hard to restore my happiness. I am so glad for Alex’s friendship.

He has made me a very happy woman.

I do hope beyond hope that he truly thinks the world of me and that I hold his interest well. I really need to know that he loves me romantically and as his very best friend ever! Don’t tell me that it is wrong to need a man’s love to help define me as a woman! I need his love so very much, not just for selfish reason, but to fulfill a cosmic need in me to give love and have love in my life. I know what I need and I know what I want.

I need love in my life to fulfill my spritual growth. I am a very giving individual. I am the kind of person who would sacrifice anything for anyone’s happiness.

I am a very nurturing person…very loveable…and I do have the need to feel someone’s love in my life. I want to establish a long-lasting relationship with someone who can love and cherish me and who is willing to allow me to love, cherish, and respect him as he deserves to be loved and cherished and to start a family of my own.

I feel I am ready for such a committment. I deserve to be happy! I deserve to have all my needs fulfilled!

SensualRose @}>–>–>–