If you want to hurt me, you’re doing really well –

– my dear. — Annie Lennox

You’re all pretty familiar with my patterns by now kids (and even my occasional breaks in pattern, which really are patterns in themselves, aren’t they?), so if you read the entry title and thought "uh oh…", well, you were right.

I’m okay though.  I think I’ve got…closure?  Something like that.  I feel like a chapter in my life is closed.  Hopefully for good this time.

Now, to explain:  Last night I bummed around my house mostly, not moving a whole lot cuz it was bloody agony on my feet, and eventually went to my room to lie down for a while, maybe read a little.  This was around 7:00ish, I think.  My mum came into my room around 8:something to ask if I needed anything, and I said I didn’t, I just wanted to rest, but if the phone rang to wake me up (I was thinking ahead to this morning, when I would possibly be receiving a call about a job interview).  The phone did indeed ring, around 9:00, and it was for me– but it wasn’t about a job interview haha.  It was Sarah.

I groggily said hello, and she cheerily asked how I was, and I told her about my feet and stuff.  She asked if I wanted to kill an hour with her, and I said I honestly didn’t think I could manage it because of my feet (and because I’m a big baby haha, but I wanted to make sure I could at least walk for my interview!) but did she need to talk?  She finally broke up with Charles on Wednesday!  After her and I had a lengthy chat at the duck pond on Tuesday night…I’d gone for a walk to clear my head, and ended up just getting more confused and frustrated than when I’d started.  I’d had this feeling of utter loneliness after returning from the city and having everything slow down around me, and no one to talk to…she must’ve seen my status on Facebook or something, because she drove around to look for me, and picked me up when I was almost in K’ton.  She told me about this guy Martin that she knows from the Top Hat, and insisted that I’d know who he was if I saw him…apparently he has a girlfriend as well, but I can see that she likes him already, and is doing the exact same thing she’s done with every guy she’s dated EVER…it’s sort of like she always has a back-up boyfriend in place before she breaks up with the current one.  I told her straight out that she should end it with Charles before he got any more hurt than he already would be…and let her know that I was being blunt, but it needed to be said, and sorry if she took it the wrong way.  But she agreed with me!

Anyway, all that aside…I also told Sarah everything that had happened on Friday, and she got really happy for me, and agreed that I’d done all I could, and it was up to Sam to make the next move.  She dropped me off at home around 10:30 on Tuesday, and told me she’d call the next day to make sure I was alright.  Which she did.  And we went out again, and played pool at Dooly’s….what’s awesome about that is that we got our game for free!!  Hot Shauna has become Nice Shauna all over again…not that she ever got right mean, I guess I just hadn’t been to Dooly’s on a weeknight in a loooong time and forgot how very slow it is there.  We drove around a bit, and had gone to Tim Horton’s before Dooly’s and just yeah…it’s weird to be hanging out with her strictly in the friend capacity and having there be no awkwardness.  It’s like April and May never happened!  Very very strange…anyway.  Back to last night!

After I hung up with Sarah, I decided to check Facebook from my phone, just for the hell of it….and I had a message from Sam, that had been sent while I was asleep, at 7:30 :

So, I think there might be some mixed messages going on here.

That random making out session? I was drunk. It’s what I do when I’m drunk. I hope you didn’t get the wrong impression and think it meant anything. Because it didn’t .. for me, anyway.

Sorry.

I texted Sarah immediately after shutting my phone, saying that I had a message from Sam and it wasn’t good.  She called a few seconds later and was like "My offer to hang out for an hour still stands."  I debated for a minute, but told her I’d talk to her tomorrow (today).  I woke up again because my cell went off at 11; I opened it and it was a text from Sam asking if I’d got the message on Facebook.  I shut it and fell back asleep ’til 7 this morning.  Now it’s 8:45, and I’ve walked my cat and typed this entry!

~SS