“don’t cry, miss d…”

 At 10:25, our super sub came into my classroom and said he was there to cover for me. He said that I needed to go to my principal’s office. I walk in, and there is my principal, my assistant principal and my human resources director. My principals didn’t speak. The HR woman basically gave me my verbal furlough notice. My name is going on the board’s agenda to be dismissed at the end of the school year. I’ll get paid through August and will have my benefits until then as well. Since I am not tenured, I don’t get "call back rights," which means is a position opens up, they don’t HAVE to hire me back. I sat there, eyes welling with tears, said "okay," got up, and left. I went to the faculty room to cry. I wanted to wait until I had to go to my next class. I opted to go back. I saw our alt ed coordinator:

Are you okay?
No.
You don’t have to come today, it’s all right.
I’ll be there.

As I was walking back to class I passed Joe’s room. His class was just starting (lunch schedules make the middle of the day weird). As he came into the hall to collect his late students, I turned around, yelled, "Noll!" When he looked my way, I made a cutting gesture across my neck. He was the first person who found out. I passed the gym teacher who was on her way to the office. I got back to class and couldn’t talk to my kids. I couldn’t even look at them. My eyes were filled with tears but I held them back as long as I could. When the bell rang for the to leave, I waited until they were gone and I lost it. My co-teacher shut the door and sat down with me. I told her she didn’t have to stay. She asked if there was anything I needed, and I aid no, but thanks. I sat in my room and bawled.

Word started to get out as kids saw me and Miss P (the gym teacher) crying in front of kids. During 7th period I have a study hall, and none of my kids stayed in. I answer a knock at the door. It’s Heidi, who I had last year for World Lit and comes to visit me from time to time. She sat down with me while we listened to Papa Roach. I had been crying and hadn’t completely stopped yet.

Don’t cry, Miss D.
I’m sorry. I can’t help it.
Does it start next year?
Yeah.
You CAN’T leave for my senior year.
I promise I’ll be back to watch you graduate.

And then I cried some more.

I skipped a track meet to sit in the park and feel the sun on my face in solitude. I applied to Summit Academy and cried a lot. I want to call in sick tomorrow, but I know I won’t.

What’s the point of trying anymore? I got 3 good evaluations and I’m still getting shitcanned because I’m just a savings to be made. "You’re money we’re wasting in the district. Screw the fact that you make a good impression, the kids like you, and you’re actually doing a good job"

Fuck republicans. Thanks, Corbett. I didn’t need a job or anything. And it’s obvious you never benefited from education.