Starting Over?

Everyone around me is convinced that my relationship is toxic, and it very well may be. I hate feeling this pain though, and fighting the urge to reach out to him. I want to tell him all about my day, but I would be continuing the cycle of treating me whatever way he wants, and me coming back after an empty apology. I want to cry, but I haven’t been able to fully let it out. I also can’t fully let him go, so that probably has something to do with it. It feels like I’m under heart break warfare. I want to believe what he says, but they are just words and I have to remember that. Actions, actions, actions.. That’s what matters.. How do I always end up back here?? With every stupid relationship I get sweet talked into staying with no tangible change. I’m too busy to be sad.