December 27th

Well I haven’t been here in a while. I’ve been keeping up with my daily gratitude list for the most part, but haven’t been so great at keeping up the work out routine.. oops. I’m about 2 weeks into the new job, and I am killing it; however, I am a bit bored already. Is it the lack of chaos around me? Most likely.. Am I stupid for asking for my pay to be increased by 15k after my month probation period is up? Also most likely. I just want more for myself, but I am terrible at consistency dude. I am constantly looking for new ways to make money, and also live the life I dream of. I’ll most likely take the remote job in February if my pay does not go up, which would mean I could easily travel and work. Thankfully for me I don’t have any kids or pets to worry about currently, so I am free to flow. I’ve never liked the idea of leases and be legally tied to a place, so maybe I can find some sort of part time flight attendant gig or something. I’ve wanted to do seasonal jobs as well, so maybe I can look in that direction. Why must I feel torn though when it comes to work, travel, and school. Sometimes I wish I was super human so I could do all of it effortlessly. That make take out the fun and gratitude in it though. I’m also scared of traveling other countries alone though. I’ve taken solo road trips through the west side of the states, and met some incredible people though. Fear really does limit you huh? I’ve been taught fear since my first breath unfortunately,  so we have a special relationship if you will. The idea of hiking mountains and watching a sunrise sounds immaculate, but in the back of my head I’m worried about bears and mountain lions. I guess the only way to really get over it is to just do the damn thing. First thing I need to work on though is being happy exactly where I am, with what I have, and who I am. I would like to think I’m most of the way there, but there are some small lingering factors that limit me. I’m just going to do though. I am so so so blessed to have the home I have. It is everything I dreamed of, and more. I have a huge bathtub for relaxing, a large patio for taking in the beautiful CO mountains, a cozy living room with a fireplace, a great kitchen to make some delicious food in, a washer and dryer that help me to not be smelly, an extremely comfortable bed with no old bad memories attached. I have candles to warm my apartment while also making it smell amazing. I have sentimental objects that can take me back to some of the happiest times of my life, and remind me of people I love and who love me. I have a laptop that allows me to connect, learn, and bond. I have stuffed animals from a man who loves me deeply. I have kind gifts from people who want to see me happy. I live in a beautiful and safe city that allows me to relax and let my guard down. Everyday I get to look outside and see a lake with mountains in the distance. I have all the tools to make a wonderful meal. I have a cute little Subaru that not only gets me from a to b, but also is fun to drive. I have kind, thoughtful, and caring people all around me. I was welcomed into a new position with a great team that is full of life and perspective. I have a wonderful family who is learning and growing along side me every single day. I have a caring boyfriend that would do almost anything to make me happy. He is also very goofy, and knows how to make me laugh, and have deep conversations with me. I am deserving of it. I am a hard worker, caring, thoughtful, full of life. I am considerate and determined. I take care of the people around me to the best of my able. I try to make sure people feel heard and seen when they are with me. I always try to do the right thing even when it’s hard. I love myself. I love who I am, what I have, and where I am.