Wow 2008-My Life

Hello All:

Happy New Year!  Wow 2008!  I cannot believeit has almost been a year since I wrote an entry.  This place used to be my refuge..my life.  Funny how things change.  Things for me are going rather well and I must truly say that I am blessed.

Work- Work is great!  I am at a great company with a great position and a boss that really values me and does her best to elevate me to bigger and better things.  I am making the money I deserve and I am happy.  I like getting up everyday and my work really challenges me and moreso I finally get to use my college degree. I handle Special Projects and Events and I am responsible for the PR and creative media.  It’s great.  It can be stressful but I am blessed.

Home/Family- Everything is cool.  My little sister recently got married and she moved out and so now I am enjoying my house to myself.  I love it.  Can get lonely but I love it.  I was worried about being able to foot all the bills but God provides.  I had a lot of practice too, because 6 months before my sister moved out she lost her job and was paying for a wedding so I ended up footing everything myself anyway.  t first I was bitter because she wasn’t even trying to help but now I realize God was trying to get me ready to handle it on my own so I would be okay. 

Love Life-  Where do I start? Quick version.  I am dating a guy from church. We have seen each other for years but we have only been dating sice October. Great guy, he encompasses everything I want in a husband.  I love him.  I really do.  We cannot get enough of each other but he is very scared to be in a serious relationship again because him and his ex dated for 13 years and they called it quits about 1 year and a half ago and he is still dealing with this.  I understand his fear but it is so hard.  We can’t figure out how we fell this hard this fast and I am just soo scared because I am ready and he is not.  On top of that, he is dating someone else even though he is always with me.  I think it is the fear.  In fact when I asked him why he dated this other person he told me it was the fear.  Fear of putting everything into 1person again.He constantly ask me things like "What if I give you everything, and you wake up and realize you don’t want me or love me anymore"

 This is so emotionally draining because although I could date someone else to keep my mind and my heart at ease, I don’t want to.  He is very spiritual so he wants to take time to fast and pray about us but it scares him.  He oftenwonders what he will do if God tells him I am not the person for him.  I feel like I am but I share his fears.  We are in so deep and like he says, if this ends anything short of marriage it will hurt to the core.     

I think he is worth waiting for but it is hard for me.  This man loves me and is so supportive and God-fearing and family oriented and he is not like any other man I have dated.  He is the truth, he is real but I feel like I have got to protect my heart but I guess I am like at what cost?  We pray together, we worship together, we laugh together and we are so connected but I just don’t know.  I don’t.  I don’t want this to end but how long can my heart take things as is?

Thanks for Reading. Advice Appreciated! Missed you guys.  It feels good to write again!