Random Thoughts!

  Hello:

  Well, this entry will contain a few random thoughts that I just felt the need to get out into the open.

 Fear- Sometime the fear of something happening to my family consumes me.  Not even my whole family just my mother and my sisters (my middle sister mostly).  I mean whenever my sister (24) is out late I can’t even really sleep until I know she is hoe safe and sound.  Whenever they get on planes, I am on edge until they land.  I don’t want to feel that way, but I do.  I have prayed for strength and for God to take away that sense of excessive worrying. I just need to know they are okay, not so much all the time but just when they are traveling.  So, I guess my fear is that they will be in a bad wreck and die or something.  I don’t know..it sucks!

 
 Steve- I talked to Steve last night, I finally answered my phone.  The first thing he said was “So, I guess Saturday night was a one night stand huh?” It made me laugh.  He asked why wasn’t I answering his calls or returning them? Anyway, we talked and I caught him up on all the drama with my God-Kids.  He told me that he and his dad have been bonding and he sounded really excited.  The love is there but they really don’t talk.  They have been talking and really trying to understand each other and I was proud of him.  Steve is the most immature person I know but he sounded like a grown up yesterday and I was proud of him.  He said that he never really to his dad because he feels his dad is always being negative in regards to Steve but he realizes that his dad has a point. I told him his dad is just blunt and that he doesn’t sugar coat anything for Steve.  He agreed and understands more from where his dad is coming from.

 
Steve refers to his dad as a “ legal hustler”.  What that means is if it is money to be made he will do what it takes to make it.  He has his regular job like at a printing company but then he does landscaping, painting ect.. to make extra money.  Steve is nothing like that and it’s hard for his dad to understand why Steve is so trifiling.  Steve told his dad that he always puts him down about what he doesn’t do or what he can’t do but he’s never took the time to share his knowledge with Steve. Steve’s dad agreed and he started showing Steve things about landscaping and everything.  Steve was really excited and I thought the whole thing was so nice!

I would love for Steve to turn into a grown-up one day. Oh yeah, but he cannot get into a grown-up relationship until I am already happily married.  Right now i have to admit I would be jealous if he decided to grow-up and then get with some other chick after I put up with his childish a$$ for all of these years! Clearly!

Vibrator- I told yall before, how I love that thing.  Well, the other night when I used it,  it took longer than usual to reach “The promised land” and it was all the way on high.  I was like dang, I am getting too used to this thing because when I first got it, I couldn’t even attempt to cut it all the way up. So yesterday, I played with it and it was all the way on high and it was just not strong enough to get me there.  I put it on my clit and I could not get anywhere, I was like dang.  I played with it while I was watching TV for an hour or so, no good.  Then I said, well let me try and switch the batteries out.  I changed those batteries and ..WHOOOOOOOO!  It was just like the first time.  I would have died trying to put it on high! Gosh, I was falling off the sofa and everything.  Anyway, that’s making me want to go home and play with it!  I guess I am just glad to know that my vibrator can still drive me crazy!

Concern: Why doesn’t sex feel like that.  I mean I take that back.  Sex feels good but I can’t cum off intercourse or orally like I do when that vibrator is on my clit.  Why not?? Ugh!

Thanks for reading!  Comments Appreciated!