I am going to SCREAM!!

Okay, I am about to scream!!!

 
 I mean, not really I guess, I feel better today but I feel like something is seriously missing from my life. The internet was down yesterday and I thought the world was over, I felt so disconnected.

Okay: Where do I start?

  
The new job is hmmm hmmm.  I don’t know.  I am learning, it’s cool I guess.  Don’t love it, don’t hate it.  It’s very different.  I don’t really feel like talking specifics but maybe later.  I think overall it will be okay.

  
 Well I get all emotional around that time of the month and lately me and Steve have not talked so that makes things worse.  Anyway, then it just feels like I have too many people in my life that disappoint me and I don’t get it.  Steve, Bert (the fling who now has a baby) a couple of friends who I just didn’t expect to be soo shacky.

  
 One of my best friends is involved with my first love and their level of seriousness is just like..WoW!!  They have put a contract down on their house TOGETHER, they are talking marriage and I am just like WTF???  I dunno, maybe part of me thought it wouldn’t last.  That’s what I get for thinking. He is such a grown-up now and they do everything together and  I think that’s great but I guess part of me is like, Why didn’t he put that level of commitment into us or not even that maybe just where is my man.  You know??? Not, Steve or Jay but my real man.  The one that is a grown-up with a grown up job who knows how to take care of his business and who has goals and the man I will spend the rest of my life with in marital bliss.

  
 I just feel like my life has this big void. I have this wonderful, big and beautiful home but I feel like it’s empty because I don’t have anyone to share it with.   My sister lives with me but she does so many different things that sometimes she does not even get home until I am in bed and then other times she irks the hell out of me and I am like why is that b*tch even here.  I know she thinks I am a nag sometimes but I am like damn, if I want anything done I have to do it myself..It just pisses me off.

   
I just want to feel good , I need to cum to release the stress I am going through but then again that’s just a quick fix.  I want someone to call my own who I can go home to or go home to his home or something I don’t know.  With me and Steve on the outs (even though I am sure it won’t be for too much longer) I have to drill in my head why it’s NOT a good idea to call Eddie.  I know he would be more than happy to make me feel beautiful and sexy and “good” but he is married with a son and a new baby girl on the way and I have done soo good no need to mess up now because I am emotional.

  
 I also have to remind myself to not settle because I am in this emotional and lonely state and that no matter what Jay says or no matter what we had or what we felt in the past , it is over for a reason and I just have to remind myself how much of a waste of time the sex was.  

Okay, I have ranted enough for all of us.  Any words of encouragement are appreciated!  Thanks for reading!