He is not worth loosing my Blessings!

Hello All:

I have got to do better with updating! I mean there is sometimes just not enough time in the day. Everything is everything. I don’t know what that REALLY means but it seems to fit right now so let’s go with it!

I have been doing some thinking or maybe I should say battling. I am not seeing anyone right now and that seems to make me lonely and horney. I was doing a good job not involving myself with Steve even though now I am like ..hmmmm maybe just for a little while. That’s what lonliness tends to do though.

Well the real reason for this entry is that I feel sooo blessed right now and I don’t want to throw that away by doing the wrong thing. By the wrong thing I mean Eddie. He has been calling me like almost everyday sometimes two and three times a day. The lust in me wants him sooo bad sometimes that a lot of the past nights he has been in my dreams and it was a recap of the times that felt soo good at the time but in reality were not the right thing to do.

Eddie and I almost hooked up too, I guess that’s sad to say but it’s true. The timing just wasn’t working for us and I guess his wife. I wanted him soo bad I could feel him.  It didn’t help that I just had a dream about him.  I returned one of the calls thathe had been making so many previous days and nights. I told him I was on my way to work but I had to pass his house so I was thinking about “stopping by”.  Anyway, the coast (wife)was not clear because he offered  to get a hotel by my job so we could “indulge” when I took a lunch break. It gave me time to cool off and I didn’t return or answer any of the calls since then.  Anyway, the point is now I know that we have to leave well enough alone. I have just been avoiding the calls and not answering the phone but I guess I need to have an official we can’t NEVER..EVER repeat what we used to do and I don’t know how to say that..I am not sure I even have what it takes to say that.

I am in the process of house hunting and I am just soo blessed to be in the place (financially) to do this. I have been approved and I don’t even have to have a down payment and I just got (like yesterday) another unexpected salary increase and that just confirms that things are working out great for me right now. God just keeps blessing me and with all these unexpected miracles. Why would I want to throw them down the drain for 15 minutes of pleasure with a married man? I can’t do it..I won’t do it. I feel stronger now. Even though I am not at the point to have the ..NEVER…EVER.. conversation with Eddie, I am at the point to know that I can’t indulge in something that does not, has not, will not belong to me. I don’t know why it’s soo hard to just let it go. He’s not worth it, he never was, he does not deserve me and he never did.

I am not getting excited about house hunting yet or even about owning my own home because it still seems to good to be true to me right now. I haven’t even told anyone I was looking but my family and 2 of my friends. I am just trying to do the right thing and appreciate the blessings that God is constantly working out for me. It’s been soo much recently that I just don’t know what to do..
Blessing Recap
-My car gets stolen-it gets recovered with VERY minimal damage and my insurance company went above and beyond to make things easier AND I got all my clothes back excluding some tennis shoes!
-I get a promotion at work, which I thought I might not like and I LOVE it!
-I get my own office!
-I get a LOT of money back on my taxes (about $800.00 more than I expected)
-I get approved to get a house on top of that ..I get approved to qualify for first time home owner’s program with no  downpayment.
-I get an “out the blue” salary increase YESTERDAY!
-I have family and friends that love me unconditionally and support me!

If that’s not blessed I don’t know what is! Mess this up to sleep with someone’s husband..I think not..Eddie is sooo not worth all of this!  I thank God for seeing the best in me, blessing me and giving me strength to ignore the advances/I love you’s that Eddie continuously has and will continue to make!

Thanks for reading..Comments Appreciated