ALL or NOTHING!!

Hello:

  
It’s weird, I may go so long and talk to none of these idiots (men) in my life then like clockwork they all show up at the same time.  I don’t get it. Here they are the male players in my life.  Last week. I talk to all of them. Crazy! It’s always ALL or NOTHING with these dudes!

Carlos- (The ex-best friend) Well, the last entry was about him, he showed up out of nowhere,  Whatever, I might go to his bible study on Thursday.  I miss him.  I could probably use some religion right now!

Steve- (The ex-boyfriend/current friend with benefits) He is always around in some form or fashion.  His car is busted so he has not been coming over as often as he used to (or as often as I would like).  Whatever, he is such a loser, get yo sh*t together Steve, damn!  And No, I am not picking you up so you can spend the night with me, call me  when you get your sh*t fixed!  But then again, I might get horney enough to play taxi.

  
Jay-(Ex good friend/ex boyfriend/Steve’s cousin/friend) This was a surprise, I mean we talk every blue moon.  Anyway, Saturday night he sent me a text message saying.  “Baby, I was just thinking about you, be a good girl, I miss you” I was reading like where did that come from.  I texted him back , that it was good to hear from him even though he texted me all late at night.  He texted me “You are the first thing on my mind when I wake up every morning”.  I was really like okay, this is crazy.  I texted him back. “Where did this come from?” His last text to me was “My feelings for you never changed , I just respected the fact that you wanted to move on.”  Then I had to remind him , that clearly he stop talking to me after everything went down.  I guess that pissed him off, he didn’t text me back.

I really don’t know why I entertained his messages in the first place.  I care about him but I don’t want to be in a relationship and the sex is so not up to par so no since in doing that either so..I don’t know.  I was lonely and I know how he feels about me, I have always known.  Part of me wants to be back in a relationship with someone who loves me like Jay did but just not Jay.  I have to remember that because it’s not fair to play pretend with someone’s feelings to make yourself feel good.  It’s not fair to Jay.  I wouldn’t ever want to hurt him like I did when I slept with Steve. I always thought it wouldn’t feel bad if you were not the one getting hurt, that’s until I hurt Jay.  It feels like sh*t to hurt someone.  I know that now.

  
Bert-(The Old Office Fling) I e-mailed him to check on him after a couple of co-workers told me not to shut him out and how he misses me and all that. Blah Blah.  We e-mailed chat back and forth a couple of times.  He said he was okay and he was glad to hear from me and blah blah.    Nothing much to say here.  He has baby mama drama and he does not have time for another female in his life whether it be friend or something more.

  
So, the title fits, this week it seems like nothing.  Thanks for reading!