The psychedelic journey

This entry is best described by my feelings that I am definitely exploring like one might explore a LSD sugar cube in the mid 60’s. But the question I might ask myself on this journey of enlightening exploration is I’m feeling like an alienated conflicted individual who has stumbled upon a devastating experience involving other said individuals that are made from the similar flesh and blood as my own. This metaphoric LSD fueled endeavor has me conflicted because I’m torn with how things use to be, how my family members were, who they were. I finally make it home after years of suffering and surviving pure hell, I return home with a heart full of hope and my foolish heart believing that I’d be welcomed back home, finally, with open arms, familiar faces, expecting to be my family to be the support system I yearned for but … yes the terrible “but” there is ALWAYS A “BUT”…. but instead I totaled alone, no welcoming open arms filled with smiles and love in their eyes. No my family looked at me like the dirty, skinny, withdrawing, cold sweat dripping from my wrinkled skin attached to bone, raccoon dark circled, pitiful pain filled eyes junkie. Untrusting as the clothing that was about to also lie and fall away from my skin. So yes now that I’ve sobered up from my metaphoric LSD journey, have I’ve reached enlightenment?? Phffs, please. This endeavor only has been just more emotionally exhausting heart ripping solid concrete to the face hit of reality. What’s that you might be asking?? That even though I have won the battle against my addiction for the time being, So let’s call it a fight, ALONE WITH NOONE NO SUPPORT SYSTEMS NO FAMILY NO FAN, except one, (he knows who he is) no one helped me accomplish my victory but me and let me tell you its hard as hell to win a fight without a few soldiers to support you. First comes the fight, then the battle, then the war on addiction. I’m willing to face it alone because that’s what kind of soldier I have become. Now comes my “conflict” everyday is a struggle, especially alone.