I can’t put my finger on it…

Spring has arrived and it seems time is flying by, as I work hard to finish some jobs before I take my first trip of the season in mid-May. But there is something that is still bothering me, that which plays almost constantly in my mind like background music in a shopping mall. Most of the time I ignore it, but, when all is quiet, like at bedtime, it again comes to the forefront. I do have a tendency to become rather obsessed with certain things, and I’ve been like this all of my life. Much to the chagrin of my mom and others who were or are still close to me. What triggers something and from where an overwhelming idea originates is something I can’t yet figure out. When I was a kid I was totally obsessed with cats, especially wild cats like lions and tigers. I drew pictures of them, and I studied them rigorously, as best I could with whatever books I was able to check out of the school and local libraries. Going to the zoo, and then going on an African safari as a kid were the ultimate highlights that poured gasoline on the fires of my obsession. That was an obsession that is life-long, and I’ve expanded it to all sorts of other animals, including prehistoric ones like dinosaurs. I suppose that interest was borne out of curiosity and fascination, as I don’t recall a single moment that sparked it all.

That marks a sharp contrast to my most recent obsession, that which was ignited the moment the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed. Or, rather, it started the moment I found out about it the next day. That which I paid little mind to until it was gone suddenly took up a huge part of my waking (and sleeping) mind. These days I’m quite busy with life, and I have so many other things on my mind. That, and the fact that little is being done thus far with regards to the construction project to rebuild the bridge. And there’s one other thing. The last time I visited the Facebook site that posts updates about the pre-construction activities I was up half the night with terrible nightmares. There was a post about engineers doing wind tunnel testing on a model of the new bridge. Or, at least they showed what was purported to be an idea of what the new bridge might look like… But there was something intrinsically disturbing to me about those pictures. You can see them here if you scroll down a bit. There were three or four pics, showing nothing more than a couple of guys working with an end table sized model of a bridge inside of a wind tunnel. The main site (and the state) has so far said that all images and designs depicted of the bridge are preliminary in nature. In other words, the final design may not look exactly like the artwork. Something was wrong with the picture of the model. I couldn’t – and still can’t fully put my finger on it what it might be. Something truly anxiety provoking triggered those nightmares. While the photos can only be enlarged so much, there is something off in them. To the average person, they are probably meaningless. I have a possible idea, but I didn’t dare post a question. I didn’t ask mostly because of what they said about any design being preliminary. Perhaps this was just a test of several designs….and they only posted photos of this particular one? But even if I had posted a question, they may not have understood what I was asking anyway. It would have been quite the odd question either way. I suppose I’ll just bide my time, and wait and see what comes next. At some point this spring or summer, they are supposed to begin demolishing the remains of the old bridge. I’m sure there will be much local coverage of those events, especially when they dynamite the concrete piers. But I’ll be keeping watch for any new depictions of the bridge design, and wondering if whatever triggered that anxiety attack and nightmares will still persist.