Everything.

Things are going well. I guess. Ha!

I’m working myself silly. 40 hours at one job and 20 at the other. I’m exhausted, but for whatever reason (my BPD, perhaps?) I am pretty energetic. I wonder when that will end though? I’m just waiting for me to crash… but so far so good and its been since June…

Good news… sort of… I was offered an acting position for the month of November. The person on the full-time overnights left for her new job within the city, so I get to take over those. I was supervisor-appointed, so I guess that means they like me and I’m doing well. It sucks that they’re overnights, but the good news is that it’s garunteed full-time work with a specific schedule for the month of November. Which means no more waiting by my phone for shifts, and no more switching between day, evening, and overnight positions all the friggin time. But, they hold the job for her to come back if she doesn’t like her new job. And they do have to post the position eventually… so yeah. And they post it internally for all the city… but I mean, most people that work for the city do it Monday-Friday, 9-5 so it’s not like a Saturday-Wednesday, 11-7 job is really in high demand. Or at least I hope its not!

I’ve been working full-time hours anyway, and today I got paid from my city job – fuck me I made sweet cash. This was probably the biggest paycheque I’ve ever had in my life. And then I remembered that I get paid from my other job tomorrow. Oh yeah. I went from not being able to pay for shit-all while I was in school to having all my bills, loans, and rent paid up until the 16th of November AND having money leftover. I think I owe like $200 on my visa (my wedding dress payments go on there) and then I’m saving money so I can buy Shannon’s wedding band soon. I want to pay cash for it, so hopefully by Christmas time I’ll be able to do that. It’s $850-ish but there isn’t too much hurry, so I’m just socking money away as I can.

OSAP (school loan from the government) kindly informed me this week that I should start paying them back as of November 1st. I know its shitty of me, but I’m going to call and ask for a loan extention. Oh well though, its not like its a GIFT for fuck sakes, and they’ll charge me interest anyway so its not like I’m getting off scott free. I mean, I guess I COULD start paying them now – but my theory is I’m still a casual staff at one job, and contract at the other. So the gravy wagon could dry up at any point without notice…. the real reason is that I’m paying for a wedding and I’d rather deal with those expenses first, and then OSAP second. Buuut I think my point is legit. Why enter into a payment plan before my income in steady and confirmed, ya know? I would like to keep my good credit so I don’t want to commit to anything before I know for sure. Or am I just being stupid and greedy with the wedding?

So Thanksgiving was on Monday. Well, for Canadians anyway. It was THE WORST Thanksgiving of my life. I worked an overnight, slept 3 hours and then drove 2.5 hours to my aunt’s house. When we arrived there everyone was already piss tanked. That is, my aunt, uncle, mom, and stepdad. They even had my 87 year old grandma drinking more wine than necessary… but anyway. The turkey was done and we figured dinner would be at 5:00 or 6:00. But no. Everyone was so fucking drunk (especially my aunt, who was cooking) that we didn’t get dinner on the fucking table until 9:30pm. She also kept pouring wine into my grandma’s glass until she couldn’t even stand anymore. I mean, she only drank 4 glasses but considering her age it was too much. Then she started to belittle me in front of everyone… my cousin was there with his wife and he is one-credit short of high school and works in a factory, and his wife is a PSW which is like an 8 month course where you make like $15/hr. Anyway, because they own a house and don’t have much debt she thinks they’re doing so great. But like, fuck you grandma. I went to college AND university – I invested 7 years of my life into my CAREER. And I make almost double what they do… and my fiance works for a university and also makes double what they do. And we don’t live in BELLEVILLE, which is some small poor-excuse for a city town where you can buy a house for $180,000. We live in Ottawa, which is a major city… where you need like $300,000 MINIMUM to buy like a stupid-ass townhouse or something. So give me a break. Anyway, she basically encouraged me to work 60 hrs a week, because that is "a dose of reality" (um, I thought 40 hrs was reality) and then she informed me that I "wouldn’t know because I’ve never worked before" – ummmm did I not workin in my field every day since I graduated college FIVE years ago? And did I not work at McDonalds before that? And did I not work 30 hours a week while completing my DEGREE on a full-time basis? I don’t recall my grandmother EVER having a full-time job, so I mean who the fuck is she to be talking? Then she goes on to say that I shouldn’t have any kids, because I can’t afford it. Um, okay apparently you have access to my bank account and I don’t know it. Then she tells me to wait AT LEAST six years before having kids… to which I inform her that Shannon and I only have six years to COMPLETE our family, which of course due to her age she didn’t understand. Then she informs me that Shannon’s sperm is probably cancerous anyway. Oh and that I shouldn’t convert and become a Catholic…. and she acted like she was basically shot in the heart when I informed her I would be doing so. Um, as if its really that different from being Angelican anyway. Not that I even have a religion really, because I was never baptized, but apparently it is imperative that I not become Catholic… whatever. Finally she informed me that I have too much debt (again, how does she know?) but that "that’s what I get for going to school so long"…. um, what? Anyway, I was like crying through this whole ordeal but she didn’t even notice because she was so DRUNK. I love my grandma to peices; and she is like my favourite person but fuck me she has gotten so old and crotchity and she thinks she knows everything. Goddamn. Needless to say I will NOT be attending the Christmas get-together this year. Fuck me. I mean, it might be different if at least one of my relatives could stay sober during a family event, but clearly this is wishful thinking for my family of alcoholics. Fuck me, I’m surprised I turned out okay with this mess of a family.

Anyway, its almost 3:00am. I have to work an overnight tomorrow so I’m trying to stay up as late as possible but my back fucking hurts. Apparently its a side effect from loosing weight so rapidly. But oh well, I’m 6 lbs from the goal I originally set for myself. My mom is coming up next week and I’ll be getting measured for my wedding dress then and we’ll be nailing down some other wedding things. I can’t wait. I <3 my mom annnnd I love being able to cross things off my list in terms of this wedding! It’s almost here… 8 months.

Anywho, I’m off. Take Care.