Spring

After a cool and nasty weather week, today is warm and sunny, although the clouds are starting to roll in. We’re on the northern edge of a severe storm system, so we might get rain and some hail after midnight into Sunday.

So I took advantage of the warm day and went out to the cemetery to visit Ray. I also was able to take photos of the blooming crab apple trees. I was worried with three mornings of deep freeze that the blossoms would be damaged, but they were beautiful, as always in the spring.

It’s too bad I even have to go to that place, but even after four years, I still feel a connection to Ray when I go there. I don’t talk to him or anything, because I figure he already knows what’s going on, but it’s just peaceful and easy, kind of like it was when I was with him, and it feels so right to be there.

I think the movie “Dark Shadows” will be out next month. It was a soap opera from the late 60s to early 70s which featured a vampire rather than star-crossed lovers. Well, the vampire was kind of star-crossed. He loved a certain woman, but couldn’t tell her that he was a vampire, and a witch, who turned him into a vampire, loved him. It’s complicated.

But I loved that show. My friends and I would reenact the various scenes, embellishing with our own plots. I’d race home from school to catch the last 10 minutes of it. Oh, what fun it was!

So as a 12-13 year old girl, I made a scrapbook of all my favorite “Dark Shadows” characters, featuring, of course, the vampire, Barnabas, as played by Jonathan Frid, who I had a major crush on. Johnny Depp is going to play Barnabas in the movie. Which is being directed by Tim Burton, I might add.

I dug through some tubs and I found my scrapbook, so lovingly put together, and now I’m ready for some “Dark Shadows” fun.

I also found my printed copies of hundreds of emails exchanged between Ray and me. I knew I kept them, just as he kept mine. The pile is about a foot and a half thick. I haven’t started going through them yet – not quite ready to do that. But I’m so glad so much of our relationship is in writing, through Open Diary, through my own journals, and through our emails. We emailed each other even when we were living together. Our emails were a constant stream of love letters.

Ray used to leave sticky notes all over the house for me, too. I’ve kept a lot of those as well, and I’ll find them tucked away in my planner, and I’ll read them eagerly, like a starving person needing that strength only Ray could provide.

I know since Ray died I’ve romanticized our relationship. It was perfect every day, right? Yeah, right. That’s why writing things down is good, because it humanizes things and every day wasn’t good times. We were two people in love who tried to get through life.

Asher and the boys and I are going the Timberwolves game tonight against Oklahoma City. All the T-wolves players are hurt, so it won’t be much of a game, but the boys wanted to see Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook of the Thunder.

Quincy wanted to go for his birthday and that’s what we’re doing on this beautiful spring evening.