April Showers

Today is my oldest grandson’s birthday. He’s 13 years old. Last week, we went to the Timberwolves basketball game with Oklahoma City. Quincy asked me to buy tickets because that’s what he wanted to do for his birthday. Not so much for the T-wolves, but to see Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook play. Durant is as smooth as silk – he had 43 points.

We had a good time – just the four of us, my son and his sons.

I’m not sure what Quincy is doing today – he’s almost getting too old for birthday parties, but tomorrow everyone is coming over to our house for dinner and after dinner, cake and ice cream.

I got my lawn mowed early this morning. Not too early – I didn’t start until 9:00 am, but I wanted to get it done before the rain moved in. I get all squiggly inside if the grass gets too long. I’m kind of anal about it.

Joe is not a lawn mowing guy, neither was Ray. So Joe cleaned up the kitchen while I mowed. Ray got a used self-propelled lawn mower that he used in the backyard while I mowed the front because he wanted to help me out, not because he loved cutting the grass.

September, Ray’s black cat, finally managed to get around Joe and out the door. He’s been watching birds all winter and he tries to do anything he can to get outside (that’s Ray’s doing, he always let September go outside). While I was mowing the grass, I saw him go under the deck with a bird. Mission accomplished.

After I was done, Joe and I went to Menards and bought dirt and mulch. We took the flower van, my little truck, and we filled it up with that lovely soil. I also bought a couple of lawn chairs to replace the white plastic ones I’ve had for years that now look like crap.

The rain moved in just as we got home. Perfect timing.

It’s so nice to have Joe to go shopping with me. Not that I want him to go shopping with me all the time, for example, I went grocery shopping by myself last night, but I can discuss stuff with him and not be the widow all alone trying to figure things out.

A few weeks ago, my work team went out to lunch together. A couple of women who are married made jokes about how much they dislike their husbands hanging around and that they’re always happy when their husbands are out doing something else.

I laugh with them, but underneath, I can’t imagine feeling that way. Even when Ray was alive, I didn’t make jokes about him. I loved and respected him so much, the last thing I could do was put him down.

And you never know. A car accident, a fall, or a sudden serious illness could take a spouse away in an instant and that’s it. There are no more jokes about disliking them around, because they’re NOT around anymore.

And there’s nothing but a long lonely dark tunnel ahead. Ugh.

But women who are not widows don’t understand. Sure, they kind of know that their husband might go before them, or like me, I kind of thought that Ray and I would go together in the future, but until it happens, I just sort of thought it was not a big deal, that life would go on.

And it does, but it’s not a super great life, because the life with the husband hanging around being annoying is a much better one.