Stubbornness

As a result of two midnights in a row, I am utterly exhausted and have slept till 2pm today.

Sam leaves for work at 1:30 and hence the sleep-in was also very convenient.

I hate that Sinjay has been so selfish in all of this. I mean, honestly, where does the big fat fight leave ME ? I have to live with the girl !! More than he does !! It is *I* who spends time with her during the day before she goes off to work at 1:30 most days !!!

Last night, as we were getting ready to crawl into bed, he stood there and said, "The problem with Sam is that she is just a shitty little teenager who thinks the whole world should revolved around her."

I couldn’t BELIEVE that this was his summary after all that. I said, "Babe, it’s not the first time you come to such a conclusion".

NO analysis at all WHATSOEVER of how HE could have done things differently.. or how things could be done differently FROM HEREON. No thinking process at ALL whatsoever. And he claims himself LOGICAL !!

He’s just like his Mum. An emotional bitch when they both want to be. I mean, why do you think Cherie has so many failed personal relationships? Because of her irrational emotionality, that’s why. Once someone does her harm, she obliterates them out of her life completely – including her OWN SON Ben !!!! (Granted, Ben has been an absolute dickhead like always, but she is his MOTHER).

And whenever Sinjay gets an idea stuck between his two furrowed eyebrows, there is no changing it, no going back. And it TOTALLY reminds me of Cherie and her goddamned hopeless example that she set for him all his life.

My parents always taught us to THINK about what we’d done. How we could improve. WHY did the situation lead to where it led? How could the other person have also improved it? What to do next time… "Analisense !!" ["Analyse yourselves"] they’d order.

Sinjay just simply hates Sam and there is no changing it. No room to see any POSITIVES in her. And she actually has PLENTY.

True, she does NOT do things the way WE do them… or the way SINJAY does them.. But it doesn’t make her any less of a person. And this is Sinjay’s problem. As soon as someone doesn’t do something the way HE does them – they are just DUM. (He’s just like my Dad OMG…)

But Sam has made many improvements since she moved in. Yes, she can be a shithead and even I get quite frustrated with her. But it’s more about her general attitude to Life. But she has improved her way of living since she moved in – which is Sinjay’s biggest gripe – her way of doing things. In fact, ever since The House Meeting, she has taken care not to leave any of her belongings laying around the house, and she has taken care to wash their dishes as regularly as possible, and she has even taken care to empty the rubbish bins more regularly than anyone else !!!! But of course, Sinjay won’t believe that because he feels that HE is the one that empties the rubbish bins in this household. He is just STUBBORN when it comes to her.

I’m in a predicament here. I don’t know whether I should come forward to Sam and apologise myself for how things turned out last night. I want to apologise for Sinjay taking it too far – after all, he is my husband and if I don’t say anything she might think I quite agreed with the way he handled it. But at the same time, if I apologise to her, it will seem like whatever statements he made about "looking after things" is irrelevant. And it isn’t. I still stand by the points he made. Grrrgh!

I honestly thought she would run away today. I thought she would just call up her cousins and ask to stay there for a little while. And how do I know she hasn’t?

I had this crazy dream where she had done quite the opposite – she had bought a piece of land, and moved both our house and another house onto the land, paid for the houses to be merged into the ONE HOUSE, and she’d arranged all of our furniture around this huge house… and suddenly we were all living in a much much bigger house… and effectively she had "bought us out" and we were now living under HER roof. We loved the new big house… but were also quite emotional about losing our own home…

*sigh*

I just don’t know how to ACT around her at the moment. I don’t know how to BE. I don’t know if I should say something..

*shakes head*