Eighteen – February

16.02.99

We were all nicely packed, ready to go after much delay. In the van Mum said a prayer and it was during prayer that my eyes shot wide open. I’d forgotten my toothbrush. Yes, typically a Dee thing, always forgetting my toothbrush. I didn’t know it would be a last-minute classic though, when moving up to Townsville.

And so, here I am on the train just going through the Sunshine Coast. It’s 12:30 now. We’ve been travelling for 2.5hrs. The train is quite comfortable. There’s hardly anyone in this carriage. I suppose the vacant seats will be filled up as we go along the way. I’m sitting in front of Mum in one of the spare seats at the moment. Leaning against the window, legs propped up, barefoot, very comfy. We’ve bought ourselves a snack at the bar. I got myself a packet of chips and a chocolate milk. Lunch at the restaurant is at 1:00.

The view is absolutely beautiful. Lush green hills and green trees all around. Typical Sunshine Coast. Mum reckons she’d like to move up here at the end of this year. Wouldn’t it be great? I’d be near Nik. And I’d personally go to Woombye Church. To be with Nik.

But then I wouldn’t see Joshy. Hmmm. I wonder if he’s thought of me lately, as much as I have thought of him. How dum. I’m so pathetic. Completely fallen head over feet simply because he’s said "Gonna have to write to you now". Hel-LO.

As I waved to my family I fought the tears back. The train was moving, Deity and Michael and Andre Jai and Chelsis keeping up with it. But Dad was kinda left behind with Kynan as he tried to get the stoller to MOVE. As I lost sight of them, Deity being the last one with whom I made eye contact with, I buried my face down on my arm still leaning on the window and cried. Mum held me and it was comforting to lean against her big frame, against her soft breast. She promised me I’ll be back in April. But April holidays are only a week long…

Chelsis was SO HAPPY. The brightest smile, the reddest cheeks. What does she know? Kynan was waving nonchalantly, often not even looking my way. What does he know? Gorgeous bub. So chubby. Jai, serious as ever. I had to beg for a kiss, as per usual. He hardly hugged me back. He knew all too well I was leaving and he’s been acting strange since yesterday. Michael, basically in a world of his own. Deity smiling happily waving, saying "I’m not crying" though I knew she was hiding them. And Dad, very much fighting back his tears, telling me through his eyes "I am going to miss you VERY very much". Even now, tears well up in my eyes.

The train keeps stopping. I think I need to go to the toilet.

Oh, Carol rang me yesterday. You’ll never guess what. Digby sent her a big bouquet of flowers for Valentines !! And Kiki gave her a teddybear and a card. Yeah, he must really really like her. Too bad for him she’s over him. She’s made up her mind she doesn’t wann go ou with anyone. Poor guy. He’ll get the one he deserves one day.

But at the moment I think I am very much falling in love with JOSHY again.

I was thinking of writing Deity a letter but I doubt I’ll send it till ages. And I’ve got enough paper to continue my Diary entries for acouple more days, so why not?

It is now 5:00 and the sun is slowly hiding its face behind the clouds. The view was absolutely beautiful. The land was fairly flat, still lush and green, somewhat harsh in some areas and the huge outstretch of soft blue sky seems endless. Like in New Zealand, absolutely nothing getting in the way of the clouds. And then there’s the soft round sun, right in the middle of it all. Breathtakingly beautiful.

We had lunch at about 1:30 and didn’t get back ot our carriage till at about 2:30. I took ages in eating all that was on my plate and Mum took ages in finishing off her dessert. We had our vegetarian menus booked and to our surprise, we got a plate full of raw vegies, mushrooms and fresh fruit. I guess we’d expected something like the menu before us- vegetarian quiche, hot chips and salad. It was a little disappointing, I must blatantly admit, to see their lack of knowledge in the area of vegetarianism because with so many people turning vegetarian these days, you’d think they’d delve more into the subject. Mum and I joked around, saying the stuffed capscicum was nice. As well as the rice, potatoes, beans and pasta. (Not that we have a mixture of all of of these, just suggesting…) Mum had ordered fruit salad and ice-cream for dessert but when she saw how ‘light’ the meal was, she decided to change her order to apple pie and hot custard – same as what I’d ordered.

I wish I had a magazine to look at. It is so boring. Next time I travel I’ll know to have with me a walkman, a magazine or two, a book, letterwriting pad and diary. Remind me. "Dee, next time you travel, don’t forget to bring a walkman, a magazine or two, a book, letterwriting pad and diary". "Thanks Dee"

The most finest of fine arts is the handiwork of God. There is none like it. Not even through a photograph can one appreciate the beauty portrayed through the simplicity of a tall, white, leafless tree, centred in the middle of the vast greenery. With its lonesome arms stretching out, up above him, as if in plea with God Himself. Or in the Thanksgiving? Such contrst, such definition, such… beauty. It has always mesmerised me.

There is this one lady sitting diagonally across from me. She is such a happy woman, so full of laughter. I like that.

Now it is flat again, lush green still, only this time there are great big hills surrounding teh flat areas. To think that, that hill right there is only like 200m away from me.

The sun is still slowly setting, thought tints of hot pinks and mauves are visible.

Words are truly inadequate to describe what I see.

I wonder how much more breathtaking Heaven will be…

God is so wonderful.

It is now 6:00.

Dear God,

Why do you love me so much? I don’t deserve to feast my eyes on such beauty…

Well, it is now 20 to 10 and it seems the trainride is getting bumpier and bumpier as we go. We had tea at the bar. There was this cute little 2yo boy hangin’ round and nobody knew who he belonged to. He was so gorgeous, a half-caste. He kept eating and drinking other peoples’ food so Mum got me to buy him a chocolate milk and a pack of chips. It turns out his Dad was Aussie-as and we think he’s not well-off at all. He gladly accepted the chips to keep and later was eating them himself. So Mum thinks he hasn’t got much money for the trip.

We stopped at Rockhampton for quite awhile. And it was here that this guy was getting told to leave. He was drunk, had harrassed a couple of girls, had run off without paying for his meal, apparently he’d picked a fight or tow. Everyone was gathering round to watch him fight / argue back with the officers. Finally they decided to call the police. I guess it was because he’d begun to really make fun of Traveltrain, the company itself. "Woo hoo ! Traveltrain !! I’m going off to Townsville !!" as he walked off with them. I felt sorry for him.

It is pitch dark outside. My reading light is one of 5 that are on in this carriage.

I’ve still got two whole seats to myself. Lucki

ly no-one has gotten on that belongs to them.

I’m bored. I wish I had a magazine !!

I <3 JOSHY.

To Josh,

Do you think of me

as often as I think of you?

Do you feel for me

what I feel for you?

Do you miss me

as much as I miss you?

Do you love me

the way I love you?

<3 Dee