27.02.00 (Mental Breakdown)

[The writing in my hardcopy entry is very erratic with strong bold strokes and some tears in the paper from the strength of the strokes of the pen]

I’m feeling so weird. So lost. So desperate. So frustrated. Like I’ve been denied of something. I’ve been moshing and dancing to Alanis. Sweating like a pig. Feel like having sex. Want to scratch the walls. I wanna get away.

get

away

My body’s twitching weirdly. Twisting everywhere. It’s what I do when I’m feeling this way.

I wanna cry

DAMMIT

I want to cry.

But the tears won’t come. It’s like insomnia. Except I’m awake. And in no need of sleep.

I wish I had a bike.

I wish it wasn’t raining.

Or wet. I woulda gone for a walk ages ago. Wish I could go for a swim.

I’m homesick.

this is the way I feel when I’m homesick.

I want to

CRY

[I can also see that I was very heart-broken. Nobody had taught me what a break-up could feel like].