25.02.00 (I’m Killing)

* Saw Josh
* Saw Toby

I’m killing. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m crushed. I’m torn.

Tonight Matt has brought ‘us’ to an end. Without even knowing it.

My soul is ACHING!!

But, boy, did I need that!

Against my promise of self-respect, I asked him to come home with me.

He said he would but that he had to grab a lift. As always. He always says the same thing. "I would, but…"

SURE YOU WOULD !!

I offered to lend him money for a cab. (Not that I could afford it myself but tonight was going to be special…)
He said he couldn’t borrow money off me. [To this day I recall the disdain in his face when he said that].

For the first time, my bottom lip quivered and I quickly leaned over towards Mark and said, "I’ll see ya ’round."

Then Matt said, "Well, I’ll see ya…"

"AROUND" I said.

"Next week?"

I gave him a brief and indifferent shrug, though I’m sure my hurt would’ve shown through anyway.

[I never visited The Uni Club again].