18.02.00 (Sexual Fantasies & Marriage)

[On the train from Gin Gin to Townsville – To begin my 2nd year of Uni]. 

3:45am

I’ve just been reading B. There’s this article about the job of a male escort. Doesn’t sound too bad. What I mean is, well, they’re pretty sweet.

Suddenly I found myself imagining I paid for one. I’ve thought of it before, you know. But this time I was daydreaming every detail. He came over, was athletic looking, blonde, green eyes, olive complexion, full red lips. His name’s Reece. (Like the one in the article). We talked. And we talked a lot. Because I wanted to. I told him I wanted to get to know him a little before anything started. I asked him a few questions. Did he honestly think I was attractive? Cos if an ESCORT is able to honestly say "Yes, you’re very attractive," then that should be enough to give me an ego boost. Would he gladly say ‘yes’ if I threw myself at him at a social bar or was he glad I was paying him?

Suddenly I thought of being married and having my husband watch. Not because that is a great fantasy of mine, hell no. But what if it was his fantasy?

Reece in the article says some husbands do like to watch. And they jerk away while doing so.

I suddenly began to think of marriage, and all that it means to me.

I’d question the way [my husband] viewed me [if he chose to act out such a fantasy]. His respect for me. The relationship would crumble. I mean, what a selfish pig!

I don’t think I’d ever play fantasies out with my husband…

Okay, safe ones. Like the nurse and the schoolgirl…
But no third person involved thankyou very much. That’s for when you’re single and are having fun for the pure hell of it. Not for a loving, caring, trusting and intimate relationship.

And when I think about it… The union of two completely different individuals to form the one way of life… is the most amazing thing God could have ever created !!!!