09.03.00 (His Name’s Mick)
Okay, I really like him. He’s so positive, full of drive, full of dreams. He’s so smart, always knows what he’s doing. He listens. He’s a FRIEND. He’s weird and funky. I love hanging out with him. I love his sense of humour. His name’s Mick.
He called this afternoon. I was very happy to hear from him. I told him I was going to the club early, and he said, "Oh, well, I might come down too… if YOU’RE gonna be there…" But this last part was said more to himself, than to me. It made me really happy, but then I thought ‘I’m reading too much into things.’
Well, he didn’t come. Neither did the Reps – we were supposed to meet at seven. [I was the Second Year Psychology Representative, meeting with other representatives from First Year, Third Year and Honours – it was JCU’s first attempt for the School of Psychology to have a social committee]. So I went to Raph’s visiting Pardeep, and then to Mick’s. But he wasn’t in there. So I went back to the club to see if he was there and to my joy, he was there. It’s so refreshing seeing him. It always has been.
He gave himself away a little more tonight. He makes me smile. The FIRST thing he said was "I love your hair!" (I had my hair in 3 plaits and 2 ponytails, tied with green, red and hot pink hairbands). Matt never EVER commented on what I wore. I could have worn the most beautiful dress in the world, one of Versace’s outfits, and he wouldn’t have even glanced, or even noticed, nor cared. So, you can imagine that it came as a surprise. I’d actually thought he WOULDN’T like it and hadn’t been sure I’d wanted him to see it. But I was filled with a rush of appreciation. I felt like he accepted me, funky, weird, trendy, dressy, hippy or plain dag. I felt on top of the world. Cos HE’D said it. And he happens to be the one I want to be liked by. The one I want to be respected by. The one I want to be accepted by. And I think he does. He reassured me that I WILL get a job. I feel like he believes in me. He makes it known. I was NEVER like that with Matt.
He said, "Were you at Uni at lunchtime?"
"I left at about 12:30, 1:00. Why?"
"Well, I was going down that way (not sure if he actually said "I had nothing to do" instead) so I decided I’d stop at the Refec and see if there was SOMEBODY I KNEW (here, he looked at me directly, smiling) but there was nobody. And then I was a little bit mad cos I thought, ‘Man, Diosa should be here.’ "
"I’m soreeeeeeee!!" I said, meanwhile I’m thinking ‘OH MY GOSH!!! YOU WENT OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR MEEE ?!?!?!??!?!’
It should be normal. You know, what guys do when they like somebody. But a year ‘with’ Matt has led me to believe it’s not possible anymore. I was SCREAMING for joy inside! I felt like hugging him!
Once, for some reason, I said "I’m a bit dum."
"Okay, I’ll make a note of that."
"I thought you would’ve already."
Somewhat seriously, he replied, "I hadn’t noticed."
I felt like he was actually saying "I think you’re quite intelligent actually." It was the tone of his voice. And I sure damn hope I’m right.
Once, he said, "Whadda ya think?"
"It’s pretty good… but do YOU like it?" Hopeful.
He looked atme, into my eyes, smiled very slowly, and said slowly, "Yes."
His word is all it takes. If he likes it, then it must be perfect. I felt like he was saying, "I like it cos you’ve got it. You’re perfect. You’re IT." "Your voice is IT. And both you and I know that I love it." It was that reassuring thing again – making me feel intelligent, smart, capable, competent.
I love his eyes. I absolutely adore his eyes. They drive me crazy. And his smile. His smile is so CUTE!! And the way he walks! It’s funny, but it’s cute. The way he does those little dance/skip things along the way. His shaggy hair. That silly fringe. I like him.
He makes me feel important. Like I’m worth something. And BOY, do I appreciate that !!!
And I LOVE our friendship. I feel so comfortable around him. And we compliment each other so well! Our personalities just CLICK together. We’re both weird’n’wonderful and we know how to appreciate each others’ individuality. And we respect it. And when we talk about D&M things, we agree a lot. Family, parents. He loves his family, his parents. He respects them a lot and believes that nothing should come before respecting your parents. I love that in him. It means a lot to me.
And I opened up to him about what I haven’t even opened up to my sister about!! Isn’t that weird? Why him? It was explaining how my body overloads with energy when I’m extremely depressed and there’s never anything to do, so it takes on a life of its own and moshes, twists, jerks and twitches in wildly euphoric ways and I scratch the walls and it doesn’t hurt. Why him?