no more…

Why do i feel like crying so much lately?

All I want to do is go into my room and cry. Just cry. And then die.

But of course that won’t happen.

Holding in tears is so fucking annoying! Especially in school! Though, on Friday especially, I let them go a lot. But still, it’s just so fucking frustrating.

I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to deal. And I don’t want to be happy, because whenever I’m happy something goes downhill and I fall even worse. Just why?

What reason is there to keep continuing this?

I know I have good things in my life.

I have great friends.

Probably a great family compared to other people’s.

I have a fucking awesome boyfriend.

But still…I dont deserve any of that..Give them to someone who cares and wants them all and who can actually be happy with it.

That isn’t me.

I don’t deserve Joe. He’s just so amazing..The most amazing guy I know. I wish I deserved him, I really do. I feel bad keeping him when he really should be with someone so much better than me. Anyone else could make him so much happier than me. I don’t see what I do for him. I don’t do anything. He deserves someone awesome. And gorgeous. Not me. Why does he care? Can’t he go care about someone else? Someone who won’t hurt him? Because I will end up hurting him. As much as I don’t want to I will.

HE SHOULDN’T LOVE ME!

No one should..

…no one.

I wish I could just sit here and cry.

I don’t know anymore…