Lost in thought

Sanity over vanity a very real and serious thing on my mind this week. As I am considering going off the only medication that has given me my sanity back because I have put on a massive amount of weight on it. I have been really thinking about the past 3 years of hell I went through to get my life back also I’m looking at what’s going on in my life right now that is pushing me to go off it.

3 years ago I was successful leading a team of technology experts at a wonderful company I had money, a life, great marriage, a career I loved, and friends. All I can say is I crashed and burned and almost lost everything.

July of last year I was jobless, living in a tent, my husband left me, no friends, I really had nothing.

Now I have a nice home I’m back with my husband working on getting a job. I have a much better relationship with everyone in my life although I burned many friendships that I don’t know if I’ll ever get back.

I have slowly cut down my seroquel over the past 3 weeks only taking my night dose it’s been 4 days since I have taken my night dose I did take one dose yesterday and again I started feeling starving.

I don’t have a doctor yet not since I moved in my new house since I moved across country and I don’t have insurance I’m just refilling my last 2 months of refills.

At first surprisingly the weight gain didn’t bother me because I was so happy to feel normal to feel in control of my life again but my husbands on this weight loss kick he’s lost over 100 pounds.

Now I’m hedging closer to my highest weight and he’s at his lowest.

Weight that’s what started this whole thing to begin with which is why it pisses me off because he has never tried to understand my battles. He really doesn’t realize how much I’ve done to recover.

I know he has a lot of anger and resentment towards me and I have a lot towards him. Learning to live with eachother has been tough.