Loyalty

I want to talk about loyalty.

It’s the support beam of my ‘self’. Every decision I make and every action I take is driven by loyalty. This isn’t some brag, I’m too loyal. I would do anything a loved one asked of me. Time or place doesn’t exist for me. I don’t hold any other responsibilities above that of my loyalty. I’ll ditch work just to sit with a friend and chat. I’ve been told by a friend that I should not expect people to reciprocate the same level of loyalty that I give. Maybe I have attachment issues. Maybe it’s not loyalty at all, but I’m driven by a fear of losing those I care about. A fear that pushes me to do anything I can to keep those people in my life. I don’t know. It hurts me to know I would give everything to those I care about but they wouldn’t do the same for me. I know it’s unreasonable and selfish, I know I’m asking too much. I mean what have I ever given that deserves so much loyalty in return? It’s fine. At the end of the day, I care more that my loved ones know that my love for them is unconditional. Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s not loyalty but a love that’s unconditional that I crave. Someone who has my back regardless of the world around us. That’s probably too much to ask. I guess I just want to be someone’s first pick. I don’t want to have to accept my loved ones are going to do things for their enjoyment regardless of how it hurts me. I don’t want to have to argue my case and weigh my pain against a good time.

Is that asking too much? Seems so.

Anyway, thanks for listening.