for youth

I write with the humble pen of a man who has been brought low by shoddied expectations, by love made wise, and by a life made hopeful.

I grew up in a home where people really did love each other. We just all had a hard time showing it. Home life was pretty hard sometimes, especially when us teenagers loved to blow things out of proportion and chose to believe the sky was falling. As it turns out, that’s life. People make mistakes…they even screw you with your arms tied behind your back, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Sometimes they act out of fear, other times out of ignorance, and still others out of desperation. But family is family. No body is perfect, and to get mad at someone because she isn’t perfect only feeds destruction. It’s easy to live with perfect people, but our challenge is to live with people that are not perfect. Wow…that’s the farthest thing what I had expected for 18 years. That’s life.

Then there’s that one person that is perfect. When this person comes along, everything else falls to the wind. Best friends, family, even pets–they’re all of secondary importance when you’ve found a way to maximize pleasant feelings in the little amount of free time you have each day. But when you’re young, you don’t realize how unsafe it is to put all your emotional eggs into one basket. Will you marry your high school sweetheart? Most likely not. Will you marry the next one? Probably not. Should you? Absolutely not! These are the foibles of youth. And when the time comes when that perfect person is no longer perfect, what a chore it becomes…what a dreadful burden to try to make it work again! This is the wastefulness of youth, who don’t know how fast they grow. A sage poet, Steven Tyler, once said, “It’s amazing when the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright.” But even better is the wisdom that comes. Did you end up marrying your high school sweetheart? No. Should you have? No. Are you still sad? Oh…oh yes. Nothing could be more true. But you’re stronger, wiser, and more humble. That’s love.

Family and friends love us strong enough and long enough to see us through the times when we are not being perfect for them, but what is the point? Glad you asked. Because when Tyler’s “moment” arrives, you will be a product of that binding force that no human being can escape. Such is the blessing of parenthood: the inability to forsake a love for one’s progeny. The day will come when you realize how your parents’ love loaned strength to you to guide you through the terrible time that you thought would never end. So why does it benefit your family to love you? It doesn’t. It benefits YOU! But when you get better, family gets better. It’s a cycle. So how does family life and hardship relate to the future? Glad you asked.

I once thought my family was the most horrible group of people around. As a teenager, I wrongly perceived every sin my mother acted out as a reason that I needed to get away…running away wouldn’t do…perhaps DFCS could have helped. I had a best friend, Phillip, who was with me through all the tough times. Phillip was just a good guy with a great family and I wished things could have been more like his life. My Freshman year in High School, I met an angel named Kimberly. For a year we had a great time. Now I stop just short of worshipping this girl because of some things she taught me in that year. But for a year while things were perfect, my family, my best friend, and my awesome cat, Booger, all took a back seat to something “better.” For three years after that, we broke up continually. We never got back together, but we did break up almost monthly. And those three years wore on my soul more than any family hardship, any financial lack, any social disqualification I had ever experienced before. As far as I was concerned, the world had lost it’s appeal to me if I couldn’t fly with that angel. But through that time when my energies were focused on a problem that I couldn’t solve and those people most important to me received the excess of what I couldn’t handle (which was very much), I was never forsaken by my cat or my mother and father, or my brothers or by Phillip and even Phillip’s family. To all of them, I was a person, just as lovable and worthwile as they once were to me. At the end of a total of five years, I saw again with clear eyes. I couldn’t help myself where I was, so I accepted it. Kimberly and I were through. I had also grown up somewhat and decided that my mother was not all that bad a person. Phillip was still there too, and during this time we had become closer than I had ever been before to a man whose blood came from different parents.

Because these people in my life were endowed with that unquenchable desire to know and love me, I am now able to enjoy relationships in my life I chose to ignore for all the time I thought the world was coming to an end. Because of where I’ve been and the solid institution of people who were there for me, I am a stronger, wiser, more intelligent person, and I know I have a bright future. To know that about myself is very gratifying. But to know that so many people in essence gave me the chance to get here, just by waiting it out with me, is bewilderingly humbling. So what is the point?

I write with the pen of a man who has been made low by shoddied expectations, by love made wise, and by a life made hopeful.

We are all here to learn. Learn that life goes God’s way and not yours, and you will be happy. Learn that you will be given the proper relationships you need to grow and learn, and you will be happy. And when you have learned God’s way from the relationships he has given you, you will be happy. Whatever it is, this too will pass. You are loved. Know that love and intelligence breed hope. Hope, and you will be happy.

That’s life.