My Hate For You Defies My Lust
Bonjour,
I don’t update very often anymore. It is weird as I think the stresses at work and at home have somewhat distracted me. However I get these odd moments of extreme energy when I just want to do silly things or write. Writing is good!
Things at home went a little awry when Eve and I had a fight. I say fight, we attempted to best express our opinions through an aggresive debate which resulted in verbal and physical sanctions being inposed on me for my part in what I would like to call "What-an-absolutely-stupid-thing-to-argue-about-and-it-got-so-out-of-hand…gate." I say Verbal and physical sanctions, what I mean there is that Eve and I had a disagreement about using the television to have a go on my playstation. It got out of hand and there was no talking or even touching, cuddling etc for a week.
I think things are back to normal? I have moved my playstation out of the bedroom now as I can’t use the TV but I do get to use the TV in the Living Room when Eve’s mum is out so I get a lot more gaming in than I used to which is awesome because everyone chipped in on my birthday and bought me Grand Theft Auto 5. Which is flawless, except there may not be an ingame race track or destruction derby like in some of the older games, which is no big deal as they weren’t altogether great mini games but I just wanted one as a way to boost my characters driving skill. So yes, many many people have died so far. I managed to kill 46 of them last night in 2 minutes. It’s not quite my Timesplitters record but it’s not too shabby. Gratuitous violence is a great way to unwind.
So I had a birthday and I am now 27. Nothing much has changed. Eve made me some lovely cakes! The guys in work bought me a good few belgian beers, a massive amount of Haribo, some money and a book on baking as I somehow manage to mess up bake ware tests. That said, I did produce a devils sponge which nobody in the office believed was mine because that was so soft and spongy it was like biting into some kind of sweet, velvety chocolate air! I nailed that and totally redeemed myself! I also have an ODST figurine! I want to repay them all by baking some nice cakes from my book. I plan to do this next week.
Eve and I are off to the British Musical Fireworks Championsips which is over 3 nights. It was good last year. Lot’s of colourful explosions. What is not to like? Plus it is in Southport too so there is like a fairground though Eve doesn’t like a lot of the rides, there is also Arcades. Eve is the only person I know who can make money on coin dozer machines. True story. It should be good fun. There is also a cinema and lots of places to eat.
Plus Eve got a new job in work based on all the good work she has been doing! So she gets to go to a better building and work nicer shifts! This should be a lot less stressful for her which would be good for all of us. Though it does mean early mornings for her which sucks but she then gets to finish at 3pm! She will be doing a 7-3. I do an 8-5 and then usually stay an extra hour. Ruddy 60 mile commute every day too! Naughty that! I wouldn’t change it though unless I had too. If Eve boots me out I mean. I’d get a flat or something instead of skulking back to Liverpool. I don’t want Eve to boot me out. That would be gay. For one my parents have stolen my TV! Eve is also starting Uni which is very very exciting! She is very well prepared!
I’m playing Cradle of Filth, Midian at my desk in it’s entire super smashing length. That was practically a soundtrack to my younger self! *sigh*
So as I am on this 6 month trainee scheme in work, after 6 months they decide wether or not to keep you on or not. I had a one to one meeting with the HR Director today who said that he has heard nothing but good things about me, which is good. My manager and the big QA manager are very pleased with me and someone somewhere has made a decision (possibly the HR director and COO) to bring my 6 months forward to give me a 5 month training period. This means that instead of November 15th being the sign off date for my contract here (hopefully for a renewal) it is now October 11th which is a few days away. I have to fill in my work folder with evidence. I’m hoping some of the new processes and such I have been putting together will help me pass it. The HR director said today that if I was kept on that there would be a period in the future where I was given more responsibility and would be free to look after certain parts of departments without any supervision. He asked if I thought I was ready for it and I said with all due respect that when my original manager left and I inherited his workload after 2 months on the job, for the past 3 months I have been managing 2 whole departments as well as helping out in others. So hopefully that will play in my favour too. Plus I am becoming a generalist instead of a specialist in work. A Specialist will say only focus on Heating and Cooling where as I cover all products so can jump in and out of departments and get a lot of experience, very broad experience which would make me more employable or stand me better in terms of a promotion because I would have a good understanding of what everyone does and what needs to be done as opposed to being blinkered to just one department. I said to the HR director "I enjoy all the meats in the QA pie." Apparently my humour is appreciated here! Everyone else thinks that I am shit! For a guy who used to do stand up comedy, this is a bad thing.
I’m nervous. Very nervous but that is all I am prepared to say about it. I hope I get kept on, bringing it forward is a good thing? because they don’t need to bring it forward to sack me? they could just say yeah, we’re terminating it now. Plus it may also mean that I get a £1500 minimum payrise early too… hmmm… that or the Dole? Hopefully the first one, with a cheeky bonus on it too! He said that I should keep going as I am and not let my standards slip and I could be going places quicker in the business in terms of a career which is really exciting.
How good is the Midian album though please?
Also congratulations to my friend "Red" who got engaged. I’m not sure if I made a joke that if she bought her Boyfriend Grand Theft Auto 5 then he would pretty much have to propose? I think I did. If not I wanted to make that joke. She bought him the game, He proposed! Which is awesome! So yay! Ladies, understand the two things that will make a guy propose, being a filth in bed and the phrases "in my mouth, on my face or on my …" or Look, I bought you the new blockbuster game you have been whingeing about for ages. I joke, there is more to a proposal than that but it wouldn’t hurt. Just as I am sure if us chaps turned up occasionally with a pair of Jimmy CHoo’s or Kurt Geiger’s and were essentially Noah from the Notebook then there wouldn’t be a problem would there? we’d all be super happy!
Sadly i’m not Noah, i’m a disgusting mess, a hollow wreck of a man, a shadow of anything remotely useful and I look like I have had a stroke. I say that in all honesty. When I am not muttering abuse at myself in the mirror about how I am incapable of being loved or anything good or nice and that I am destined to just be utter shit, or hurting myself in some subtle way I can be quite Scouse! That is a good thing.
Just like the Disti
llers! Seriously Brody Dalle in that dress in the Hunger Video. It makes me want to sling my guitars low like I was 18 again and be moody! I miss playing in a band. The guy who sits next to me, Simon he is a drummer, his old band played Glastonbury… twice. Then he moved up to Manchester. I did play a street party for Liverpool’s 700th anniversary as a city? and a few clubs but no festivals. I tore that up! I had 2 x 12" celestion speakers. They put them in Cinema walls! It was so loud we had to take the volume from 10 to 5 and even then you stuggled to hear the drums. I love my amp. Enough bass to literally shake my parents house. MMMMMMOIST!
I’m listening to My Ruin now. I love My Ruin. I’ve seen them more times than I can count. Ahhh… on that note. I’m going to go!
Tears & Apathy,
(S)aint x