Happy St. Georges Day!

On this day,

Remember that you are an Englishman

And have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life!

Ahoy! So good to see you all again! It is Saint Georges Day who is the patron saint of many places and of many things but most notably to me, England! Also Georgia who have a remarkably similar flag to England, given we both sport the St Georges Cross. So yes, as saints go, George is a pretty cool one I must say, whilst other local Saints like Patrick, Andrew and David are very notably cool, none rode up on a mighty steed and speared a Dragon just to impress a girl. I mean as far as impressing women goes, I think spearing a dragon is pretty darn cool. The best I can do is kill one on Skyrim via the playstation 3 and this doesn’t impress Eve, granted she is Welsh and killing a real dragon on a horse is much more impressive than me doing so on a console.

Though he was an epic soldier who refused to accept the roman gods despite many tempting offers of power, land and slaves from the emperor, he renounced before the emperor and was tortured and killed, 4 times as he was resuscitated 3 times! Not after giving everything he has away to the poor. What a guy!

So today it is good to be English! Usually I would say I am British, though I am English, I enjoy all the meats in the cultural stew that is Great Britain! Since Britain is a melting pot of culture anyway I think it would be slightly ignorant to declare oneself as solely English. I am from England and I am British. It’s like an American saying I am Texan not American, you are both just as I am both English and British and rather exceedingly happy about that fact! We are like the Scrappy Doo of the world stage these days! 

Another… Saint George!

It’s not been very good since my last update. There are a number of positive things I think and a number of negative things which are of such magnitude that I’d be lieing if I said that they didn’t take precedence.

The main thing is that one of Eve’s friends passed away which is always horrible especially as he was so young. I never met the guy but he had Eve’s respect and admiration and friendship which sometimes I don’t think I have as I’m such a clumsy oaf so it’s very sad. It’s also sad that Eve is upset even if she won’t show it. It makes me feel slightly alienated I guess because I feel like I should be there to comfort her and A) I don’t know how and B) I know she’ll push me away and get angry or annoyed so I am sort of out on the sidelines unable to do anything but watch my girlfriend grieve and get stressed about work and money and I am completely powerless to help! I’ve said to Eve that sometimes I am scared to touch her as she gets annoyed or pushes me away. Though we are capable of laughing about the fact she uses "ow, you’re hurting me" to even the lightest of touches as a way to get me to stop, I can see where Dexter gets his closing his eyes to make everybody go away thing from. I just want to be able to make her be happy and it upsets me when she is upset and I want her to know that i’m here for her even if she doesn’t need me and especially if she does. I’m not being nasty or horrible, I really do want everything to be OK and I feel useless because I can’t help.

Dexter is also looking decidely plumper than his previous sickest animal I have ever seen state.

(This Isn’t Dexter) I WANT MA’ BABY BACK’ BABY BACK’ BABY BACK RIBS! CHILLI BABY BACK RIBS!

Eve is also stressed with work and money and seen as I have no money, I can’t help, so I feel a little more on the sidelines now. I guess I think I would like Eve to open up a little to me so I can feel like a proper boyfriend though this is the complete opposite of what Eve will do as she is a very private person and so I shall have to be the boyfriend on the sidelines cheering her on, waving flags. I always say I am quite a fan of hers. I know people deal with situations differently and I just wish I can help more. I know I am the problem here.

I stopped playing Borderlands 2! I haven’t touched it for days, I haven’t actually touched any carbonated soft drink for over a week and this is something I would have previously thought impossible.

Yep… it’s happening!

With my extra time I have been hammering the job front. This is good. I have 2 new CV’s, one for the whole sales and one for admin as I think these are my two main skills. I wish I had better skills. I would have liked programming so I could be earning more than Eve and I combined and then some as a starting salary, though my university education was far too long ago and now it’s all JQuery when I was taught .NET which I know is similar as I had Java lessons for years too so I may try and start programming as a hobby so that when I get a job I can afford a proper qualification and then earn enough to have a second tax bracket! Yeah buddy!

On the job front there was an email from a woman saying I had been shortlisted and I called and emailed and called and emailed and could not once get through to her and she hasn’t bothered replying which has pissed me off. Then another company sent me an email saying they had received my application and that they would be super happy if I applied for another of their roles for an immediate interview. I am expecting a call tomorrow! The jobs seems computing and sales focused, filling out order forms etc and then some more advanced businessy stuff including chairing the telecomferences with their Hong Kong Head Office. I would really love to do that. There is nothing that feels more like a real job than hosting a teleconference with Hong Kong or Tokyo or New York. I can imagine us all in suits, in a huge glass office in a tower, me remote in hand point at a projector and lo the esteemed Hong Kong office appear and my mind would just go "Fuck yeah!"

So I am excited about that. Quicksilver is nuts. We failed our mystery shopper as we were in the back doing some training for me to become a keyholder. I saw these people and offered them a drink, apologised and said if you need anything else then I’ll be right back out. Which I know isn’t 100% customer service but given that we were cash training, I had no choice really. You can never ever leave cash out. EVER!

So there are customers who u

se the store toilet, which itself is over a sewer and reeks to high heaven at the best of times. This time however a customer had just used said toilet, missed with the urine (classy) and made a deposit that made me cry "JESUS CHRIST! WHAT DID YOU EAT!" Austin Powers? no? well, apart from the other discrepencies on the report, the toilet was made a huge deal of. Despite having been deep cleaned regularly! So there was no music playing, no promotional material, no goodbyes from the staff, despite me saying goodbye, the music playing and there being a FUCKING HUGE A1 POSTER OF PROMOTIONS RIGHT NEXT TO THE MACHINE THEY PLAYED! So Jenny (the supervisor) is going to raise merry hell, also the manager clocked her leaving the store on the cameras which you are not supposed to do. He asked me did she and I said I don’t know, she may have gone the bank or post office for the store. I told Jennie that he had watched the whole day on cameras so I think she knows.

Cosmin, the manager failed a serve legal test and got an official warning which Jennie seems to think he has taken out on me as I was the first member of staff in after the mystery shopper. So Jennie wants to shout at him for being nasty to me. Also I want to shout at him for not giving me all the holidays I wanted. I asked numerous times, then he said Ok, days off or holidays? I said ideally holidays, he has given me days off with one day in, right in the middle, which is fucking useless so Jennie (her and cosmin fight… a lot) scribbled on the rota that I won’t even be within 50 miles of the store at the time so I cannot make it. GRRAAARRGGHHH

Miro, was placed in the influential disabled persons list, well done there chap. I can’t help but take 99% of the credit for doing nothing towards it haha. Well done Miro-san!

This is Miro! Wave Miro… aw wait. *waits for joke about being deaf* We have fun!

Oddly, when you type Miro Griffiths into google images, you get..

This sexy hero! I was in the Guinness brewery when that photo was taken!

Lee created a Skyim mod that was featured, it contains Zombies called mistwalkers! Go Lee!

Young Lee with a Monkey on his head

Tom got Kim back to his flat and almost, possibly, didn’t, but got very close to doing the no pants dance, putting his sexual conquests on par with Lee! Huzzah! That said if you add all of the conquests from Tom, Lee and Miro, then multiply that by 4 you get me… I feel like such a whore. That said I have always been quite easily led with women, I try to be the do everything and get appreciated guy and instead I am the do everything rather unsatisfactorly and get cheated guy. That said, Lee has only had 1 girlfriend and Miro is very good and loyal guy so I’m not that bad, I just kept getting raped. Honestly, if you count the amount of sexual encounters I had initiated I’d actually be on par with Miro! I needed to be more agile so I could dodge the psychos!

Christmasy Tom

I haven’t seen Mia in ages and I think she would hate me having a picture of her up on here so erm, Mia is a lady!

I rebooted my laptop after a catastrophic applying for jobs fail when it just gave up. So now it is working again, though the hard drive is failing 🙁 and so there is only a limited time it can run. That and it has always had a very hard time not overheating. It’s like a fat kid in bubblewrap trying to run a marathon. It doesn’t happen. I guess it’s the fact it’s got an i7 processor and 2 graphics cards which means it can get seriously hot, seriously quickly.

It’s a lot like this!

Eve and I went the Imperial war museum the other day, this was awesome, the north one, I have been to the IWM in London too. In there they have a whole host of War related exhibits including a spectacular exhibit on battlefield medicine, one of the best exhibits I have ever seen actually. They also have a Russian T-34 tank. This is a medium tank and when I tried to explain to Eve about rudimentary sloping armour her eyes glazed over but to me this was awesome! They made nearly 34,000 of them during world war 2!

That’s a lot of armour.

After applying for many jobs, I have an Interview on Friday in Oldham (thats the Hong Kong job) which is about an hour and more away on the other side of the city. GRIM! I also have a telephone interview tomorrow for a job 3 minutes away, seriously, closer than Quicksilver! Both are full time and I pray that both pay a half decent wage! Because full time work would be aweeeesooommmmeeee son! So that’s positive! Wish me luck!
 

On a negatory, just a fun word to say. Erm, yes, it has been a while, I can’t remember when that Eve and I expressed ourselves physically as is the fashion these days. That kind of moving around naked with each other for 3 seconds until one party is extremely satisfied and the other is extremely pissed off. I’ve been thinking about it lately as out of nowhere my libido came soaring back screaming BOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBSSSSS!!!!

I think men and women see boobs differently. Men, sexually are very visual, we like to see things. We like to see our partners naked! We don’t share your body hang ups, we look at you and we think, dayum giiirrllll! Where you see, I need to lose a pound or two from there or that’s an odd shape or whatever women think (i’ve no idea) we just want to start rolling around with you or see you get all dominant and pin us down (because that is hot! very hot. And sometimes being on top all the time is very tiring, it hurts, and we can’t really use our hands for much and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts) We as men have seen many scary and wonderful things alike on the Interwebs, when we say you are hot, we genuinely mean it because we are stupid enough to say Aw man I’ve seen something like that on the net! So trust us, when we say you are sexy and your mind thinks "no i’m really not" it’s because you really are sexy, there are a lot of chemicals in our brains going "HOT! SEXY! FUCK! WOW!" s

o when you get drunk and you think that dancing with your arms all over the place in the air is really sexy with a duck pout (it’s not sexy)

Expectation

Sad Reality

 

its the same principle, we think your body is the most awesome and formidably sexy object in existence right there! Put a porno on in front of a man and you lose his attention, put a porno on and then get naked and you have his full atention! I think Eve is sexy! is the point I was trying to make. Also, Tom makes a valid point by randomly texting me the word boobs whenever he see’s boobs.  We like it when women show their boobs off (tastefully, in bed, don’t hide them, they’re so much fun!). It’s not chauvinistic, we like boobs. I don’t know why? I really don’t! I always think the male equivalent of fleshy dangly things would be erm yeah… you never hear women chanting Get your balls out for the girls! 

That would be terrifying.

So despite having no idea why we like boobs, we love them! Thanks to the internet and media, men have seen practically every type of boob out there but you take off your bra and it’s like every damn christmas and birthday came at once! It’s like a primal urge to want to feel them! Do a number of rude things with them. Boobs are awesome! I’m a huge fan of Eve’s boobs. Frankly they are the only boobs that matter and lately I have been wanting to sit down and have a talk with them about how I have been neglecting them lately. Eve has epic boobs! She doesn’t believe me though. If a guy has lived in the age of the Internet and still wants to see your boobs, congratulations, you have a great pair!

Round of applause for boobies!

The same applies for bums too! Bums like boobs are epic. We really appreciate doggy style or reverse cowgirl or anything that shows off your bum because no matter what you think, it’s really fucking hot in those jeans! I’ve a habit of always trying to chase Eve’s bum. It’s nice, I want to be friends with it.

That doesn’t mean anal sex which is wrong.

I’m sure it can be enjoyable if that is your thing but the very idea of finding something up there is… yeah. Not for me thank you.

So in short I am thinking, sex, as messy and painful as it is, why not spice it up a bit and make it worth the pain rather than lying on top of each other in baggy night time clothes, lights off having a conversation about work for 4 seconds before the guy cums. Where is the foreplay? that is also important! The touching? kissing? maybe even oral? OK every time! oral for everyone!

For guys it’s like God himself giving you a Guy-5, like a hi-5 but between Bro’s. It’s a bro thing. If you don’t have a willy, you don’t get the silly.

I can imagine receiving is good for women? I mean if the guy is doing it right? *ponders*

So yes, I guess after not having sex I think I want and should deliver a life changing sexy time! Full of kink and sexiness and toe curling goodness. Because it can become pedestrian and samey and  dare I say it boring and one sided! *cough* having a dig at my ex *cough* *shock* and bad sex makes baby animals cry!

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE PUPPY!

So enough sex councillor as I’m crap at it anyway and this really upsets me. I am in work in an hour and need to shower. I also need a hair cut. Which I cannot afford until I get paid. Sad times.

MY CRB CAME!

Now I can be a keyholder and manage the store!

I will come down hard on the customers trying to take advantage!

I AM THE DOOOOG THE BIG BAD DOOOOOGGGGGG… THE KEY-HOLDAAAAAAAAAHHHH

LELAND! MACE THAT GUY!

I may actually just call everybody brah and bruddah! 

Can I get my cash match?

What brudda?

Can I get my cash match?

You on meth?

What? Can I get my cash match? please?

*tackles customer to ground*

YOU NEED JESUS BRUDDAH!

*walks off singing I am the dog*

So yeah… good times, bad times.

Much Love,

(S)aint x