Somewhere, in place & time.

I’ve left work over four hours ago, yet I am still regaining my ability to stay within my body.

“Who am I? Who am I, anymore?”, I ask myself weekly, if not multiple days a week.

“I am tired.”, says the mind in response.

I look down at my body, feeling aches and pains where strength used to reside.

I feel like I’m in the middle of giving up, and yet knowing I’ve already given up much time before.

I look at all the things around me, wondering why? Why has so many things reflect back at me, yet not one feeling of completion or progress looks back at me?

We watch others succeed and complete goals, and work towards the identity they choose to belong to.

I put the hard work, but for what in return?

I completed almost eight hours of back to back manual labor, never knowing when a break will appear, or how I will deal with the next client. Well, customer, since they are not my client. I will most likely never see them again, and they would know nothing about loyalty, and focus solely on the greed of “saving money” or getting more, more, more invisible points.

I complete all the work. I wash their hair, blow-dry their hair, style their hair, and even clean the salon. Some peers as well, but not all.

This so far as been a mere entry of complaining. Complaining of the unfair treatment that has become the hair industry. You either work at a corporate run space like this for $10 and tips, THAT ARE TAXED by the company!, or you work for a crazy micro-managing salon owner.

I. am. drained.

I have no desire to work at a new salon anymore. The rent for your own chair is too high, the work at a corporate place is a mere space for burnout, and having to work with a micromanager is just become such a burden to become a stylist. The passion for the beauty industry is being ran over by the outreach cries of the burnt out workers trying to find a safe space to call a salon home, and to be a creative.

My appearance is limited to certain colors, and some places just one color – or lack there of, my schedule is determined more by the salon owner, and I still have to pay my own taxes as they take 60% or more of my income on top of that.

Why would anyone want to work in this industry anymore? I dream of the days of just posting content for income. No human interactions, no mindless, endless conversations of useless topics of restaurants I’ll never go to, or telling me of the millionth wedding I’ve heard about that month. I care about nothing, other than just wanting for the day to end.

These are the signs of burnout. Hello my old friend, we meet again.

Burnout is the most common job description in America. More of a common reason we all quit, whether we know it or not. We speak about it being the people or the company, but more likely it’s the harsh demands of responsibilities that lead to burnout. And it’s so much more harder to burn out at a physical, hands-on job, then it was at my computer managing job.

I love the beauty industry. I do, I truly do. Wearable art is my life’s passion, and I can’t imagine life without wearable art, the ways we express ourselves with our bodies, but I also can’t imagine myself being dragged down like this for the rest of my life.

I created tasks for myself for this year, goals some may call them. I stated I would quit by July, but it’s not even February yet and July seems like too long of a way’s way to wait for.

And waiting for what?

One thing I hate about complaining and venting to others, is that if they don’t understand or can’t agree, then they can’t relate. Or they want to just spew out “helpful tips” feeling the need to save you with endless ways of useless advice. Thanks but I just want to be heard. Not shut down and felt like I should do something about feeling this way.

I miss logic.

Thank goodness for these open spaces to just type away and leave all my endless thoughts somewhere. Replacing endless scrolling for writing again. It feels good, more fulfilling and happy to go somewhere in place and time.