It really is Sailboat Season. Part 1

I did it.

I bit the bullet and I regained my connection to OpenDiary. The taste of the bullet is a light metal, with the remanence of crunchy flakes of shattered dust. Actually does taste like a familiar, but new, more mature palette. I can handle it, and I can feel stronger for doing so.

I personally wanted to work again in a space that feels familiar, yet is also brand new. I feel born again, feel like I just got a new job that was offered to me, knocked on my door where they knew where I lived and they knew my past history of how well I can do this job. They wanted me. They wanted to see more of my work, and they wanted to see my work evolve with the vision of what they might have an opportunity to offer to me. Something to help express myself and find a page where I can be free and release my freedom.

I’ve written in a hand-written journal, I still answer to Diary, and at the moment it’s like I’m just focusing on my own life and recapping it. It’s very different when you write away from yourself, and you write to an open field. Where you can meet others in this open field and you can explore and release, and yet still be seen.

I guess it would make sense to have Mercury in Gemini and in Taurus for these past couple of weeks and a couple more to come. For me, that would sit pretty in my first and my 12th house. Swooning over my ascendant, and making connections with my natal Moon and transiting Uranus. Here, here! Here, we see, we hear, we feel and we dive weirdly with a connection to the past and love-appeal of communication through the deep-dived sense.

I do feel a new sense of me. A new part of me that feels and sees Spring as it is, as it is about to become the ice cube melting down a body, straight into Summer.

There is this feeling, this feeling I have not felt in a very long time, that makes me feel complete and also flowing connection to the outer world when I type away at a computer screen. It’s more magical sometimes than seeing it in your own handwriting. It’s like you speak to it, but it appears and is created by another. Kind of like looking at the sun’s rays hitting the tips of the maple tree’s leaves. Makes it hit the dark green leaf and shines through as a lime-green color. Like the sun is smiling through the color of the leaf as it sits in it, not on top of it.

I don’t know why maple leaf, as I live in Florida, and outside my window is definitely not a maple tree. But the same connection is there. It’s all about the same connection.

The connection, the connection, the connection.

What’s stronger? The connection of touch, or the connection of memory?

In moments of these days, I now work my hands through the touch and the connection and the structure of beads, wire, string, glass, stones, and metal. I do this to release and understand, and to create. I do this to create and to understand my dedication to the commitment to finish a project made of beauty and present. When I make it, I forget about time and its murmuring voice in my ear as it haunts me during day job. I get to go back to a project-based work lifestyle that I so dearly love and crave and adore. Project-based working is the foundation of my work style and method. I pray through emotion that I find my way to a career where I can work as a please and show the best of my work, as best of worthiness.

You can’t change who you are, you just have to work with it.

I dive, I dive, I dive. I dive in the depths of the smell of pine needles on a day full of slow, I’ll dive for you in the strong taste of salt on the tip of my tongue from the ocean waves for you during the strokes of heat from the sun’s ray as they fall upon the shores of the beach, and I’ll dive in the quarry of the sound of stillness and nothingness during the quietest moment on Earth for you. You are nothing, but everything, and nowhere and everywhere. But the adventure of finding the connection to you and with you is what keeps the strength and curiosity of my mind alive and going.

There’s no such thing as putting anything together if you can not watch it fall apart from further away. There’s fulfillment in creating something and then watching it evolve into nothing, and then when you are ready again to create, you create it into something new.

It’s why I love being able to be handed something created by God or Earth and then be able to create my own magic from it. To create something so beautiful that has been trapped so long. Whether that be a spoken word or that be a winded and whimsical piece of art.

My love lands in art, and the beauty that is exalted from that art is my connection to the masses. My love is my connection to God, and without it, I can not exist and neither can my art, and the masses can not be inspired.

And so it is.

xox, jackie

 

 

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