Imagination vs the Touch of Reality

Anger is the name of a blanket that covers up sadness

It punches through the walls of concrete and commitment

It breaks you free from promises and goals never met

Anger is the soldier that stands up and battles for passion and desire

Anger kicks down doors that surface-level love could never stand up for freedom

Anger is the savior, the poster boy for sins and demolishing dreams

Yet, it’s also the true savoir to knock down walls built by other people’s fears for you, and the dreams they never accomplished for themselves. Which we then take in and build them as our own.

I knew nothing about love before I met the one that showed me it’s okay to work with my emotions. That person that reminded me it’s okay to cry, and years later knew how to step in and hold me before I even knew I needed to be held, and let myself whale out my sadness of being lonely again.

Was it then, where I left my opening to be passionately loved? Did I leave it there, with them? Or is it true that you need chemistry for a spark or explosion to release? I guess in science, which is practically magic in material form, true alchemy, it tells a story – a process of the solution – that we do need more than just one matter to create a “spark”, a “connection”. And I don’t want to believe that I left my passion with another person. That as if I am still waiting for it to be returned to me. So, I guess I have to say that I do believe in the alchemy of creating a spark, and yes it might start the process – the IDEA of a spark – does start within, but the actual spark has to be made with another form connecting with another. A flame to a match, vinegar and baking soda. All life can’t be water and oil.

I have theories, visions, and ideas that take over my mind so much that I do not know what to do with them. I think they take over my mind, and I don’t have anyone to share them with. But what if people want these answers that have been solved in my mind, and I can’t help the world because I leave them trapped in my head? lol Can you truly believe that you can help the world with just your thoughts? That’s wild.

I had a dream last night that I had a conversation with a passion, and when that passion got up, I held onto that hand then the arm, and even though that passion got up and walked away to the kitchen to serve it’s needs, that arm and hand stayed with me. It gave me of it’s self without me even asking, and without taking it’s self away from me. The past passion came back, sat down in front of me and continued talking and telling me it’s story. Yet we never let of of each other’s hands. The friend sitting next to us noticed and made a cautious look of discovery, and we didn’t care. It had been a very long time since this past passion came back into my life, came back and gave me love and comfort without the care of anything holding them back.

I used to believe that our emotions relied on the harbor of another person, place, or thing. That where we once found it – especially those larger positive magical like feelings – that there is where it stayed. That if we ever wanted to experience passion again, that we had to go knock on the door of where we first and last felt it. That we gave it away, we gave it it’s home to live in. That there wasn’t even a proper thought that those emotions could ever really live within us. That there was almost no real way that we can harbor those feelings alone. That we can not make our own emotional alchemy. But maybe the reason is that, if we accept the fact that we can create passion, that maybe that’s accepting the fact that we are alone. And that no one else could join us to create this passion. I’m afraid that I’ve hidden away for too long, in this dark rock, that I’ll be scared of the light. That the rays of sun might feel like too much, so I hide from it, yet I desire it so much that I only let the rays touch me.  That I will only let myself connect through the thoughts of imagination, and won’t allow myself to touch the matters or reality ever again.

I think about how religion takes a big part of a person’s life without realizing it. Or how we use a glimpse of reality for our guidance of hope. We say that the people of Palestine in Gaza are the humans of hope, and they are God’s chosen ones. As if they knew coming into this world, that they will be saved by the alchemy of evil. Who’s lives are we really living when it’s results are death to others? Who’s plans, secrets, desires, and emotions are we harboring in order to truly pursue a life that we think is truly for ourselves? Who do we want to hear us? To see us? To be proud of us? What is it that we truly do for ourselves? Release, release, release, release. Release your pains, release your sins, release your desires. Why do we release, and to where, and to whom? Take it away from us, in order to give it away to them. I no longer need you, so I give you away to another.

I desire to make no true sense, no true beauty, no true piece or writing here. I am truly just releasing onto the world what I harbor. And it might be another form of me that I may regain and create again, but right now I release any of these words that just don’t fit within anymore. I don’t mean to make any sense, because I don’t get it anymore as anyone else does. My writings are just like a puzzle with pieces everywhere, that just glancing at it is overwhelming to put back together again. So walk away from me now, and come back to me when you’re ready to show the world what beauty could look like, because right now we’re just a city of ruble.