Why?

Why am I constantly at a battle with myself. My mother wasn’t good I guess. I’m 26 and this has been one hell of a ride since 8. Molested …by the fake construction worker my mother called her husband. She blamed me. I “took him” away from her…. at 8. Never got counseling. Never got a hug.
Sister never liked me I guess. She’s seven years older. Always fought. Always distant. Only my big brother would have my back. Would come in like Batman and swoop me from the friction inside the walls of horror. Siblings got older and moved out. Leaving me with crazy. My “mother” seemed to always hate or be confused of me. I don’t know what it was. After the abuse , she changed.
I went to Lincoln High. Dated a senior. Two years older than me. I wasn’t quite taught about “bad boys”. Basically, I had learned a lot about life on my own .. the hard way. He peer pressured me into becoming a thief during daylight on the premises of Lincoln High.
Stole a phone. Snatched it and ran. Got caught by off duty police , arrested , fingerprinted , double wam bam thank you ma’am. My mother was called. Excited about my departure from this god forsaken place , my excitement ended abruptly. Only for my mother to tell them she did not want me back , and to send me to jail. Went to a placement for 2 weeks. Came out on house arrest. Failed that after a day by going wherever instead of home and that thing beeped and beeped til I was at my front door.
Got out back in placement , after only being out 3 days. Now I’m 16. I didn’t come back out for 2 months. Got to go live with my dad deep down south. Along with his wife, stepson, adopted daughters , and three dogs. I went from a city girl to saying yes ma’am and no sir. And no sir , I did not like that.
Was there until 18, mom kidnapped me back. It wasn’t all peaches and cream living with my dad and them. But I grew close to the little girls, but now not at all.
Fast forward, I go back to live with my mom. She’s still crazy. This house was a revolving door. She’s meet a man at a gas station , next three days he lives here now. What a shame. She put men above her own children.
I get my ID, and everything I needed to do this young adult lifestyle “thing”. Now I’m a senior in HS. Met a new boyfriend, but after a year or two , he was abusive. Cancelled that out. Was homeless for a whole summer. Wasn’t fun. Wouldn’t recommend sleeping on grass with a blanket when you don’t know it will rain the next morning.
Met a man , he took me in. He was 15 years older than me. He taught me game. He nurtured  me. And I’m forever grateful. I spread my wings while working a great full time job as a cook.
I met a guy , moved out and moved in with him. We were in love. But realized not compatible. We had a daughter. Most amazing gift ever. No doubt. Now we co-parent after she turned 1 , three years ago.
I now currently have a new boyfriend , I’m 26. We really love each other. Together for 3 years. Moving in together in a week. With my daughter , of course. Cannot wait.
But why do I still feel so depressed?