Mental & Things

"Do you think if a person has killed a few people, and is basicly a psycho, but when on medication is perfectly sane and normal, he deserves a second chance on medication in the normal world?"

I saw this in a forum and it kind of struck me strangely. 

I can see both sides of the debate that ensued of ‘kill em’ and ‘save em’ with a particularly keen eye.

I am mentally ill, I have a cluster of the alphabet soup behind my medical records.. I’ll elucidate…

"Patient has recurrent major depression with psychotic features manifesting in auditory hallucinations, paranoia and anxiety attack.  Patient also exhibits severe post traumatic stress disorder."

Yep, thats me, you regular nutjob…

What if in one of my panic attacks or severe delusions of paranoia I killed someone (not that I have ever had homicidal tendencies but this is for postulation)?  How would the world around me react?  Would I be like Andrea Yates that people still want to kill despite the evidence that she was severely depressed and did believe that her children would be better off in heaven? (Basically saving them from her harmful ways so they would not perish in hell)

When I am on my meds I have my ups and downs, same with most people.  Off my meds or under stress I break down, I cry I cut and become generally isolated and shallow in my conversations.  I want to die then and well what I hear (in my wonky skull) isnt encouraging for sustained life. 

If I went off the deep end again and harmed another should I just be put down and criminalized or given mercy and the treatment that would make me better, socially acceptable in some terms and live a life?

I believe in treatment and comprehensive monitoring for continued medication management.  If it were not so bloody expensive I would have someone check my blood ratios, check the bottles and help me continue, as at times I have difficulty remaining med compliant.   The old stigma, get to feeling better and forget the medication.

———————–

Other things;

I am no longer going to see a person, I will pay my debt and no longer think about the past.  I do not need to be suckered in and be told that I am stupid and dumb.  Not good for my already fragile ego.

I was contacted regarding polyamoury by an acquaintance and we have been talking on an informal basis rather than the normal professional speak.  He wants to get together for drinks during the Easter weekend when he will be in town.  I dont know where this is leading and I dont know if I trust it.  But then again he is a marketeer for the adult industry and generally I dont trust the porn types very far with personal issues.  But I kinda like Scooter.

I am totally broke and I am hating it.  Tomorrow I am going to the local Kroger with a gas station and spending $4.88 on gas from a gift card I have tucked away.  That and talking to a friend about paying my way into AIT this month and I will for him next month. 

I have to get the courage to try and quit smoking again.. this is an expensive habit.

Cleaning must be an issue tomorrow night… but I need to sleep.  Work has me at 50+ hours this week and next week.  HALP!