Just a little Drama

Ok, I admit it, I havent been posting at all since my life has made several turns for the .. dramatic.. yeah, and with that I will give a quick, dirty recap….

The car, been down 2 times in the past month, so I have bummed rides and generally been a hermit when not having wheels.  I hate it and dont want to go back to trying to ride MARTA or schlepping myself from work and home in 90+ degree heat.  With the meds I would be passed out on the side of the road I fear.  I get too hot easily and dont always register when I am too hot till its too late.

Example – Car breakdown #2 was at night, I made it home alright but the next day I had to walk to the car and retrieve items so that Moby would not be broken into or stolen from *i hoped* and a bag later I was going up my hill.. (I need pictures) and by the time I got home {need I mention it was about 95 that day?} I have the classic sunstroke symptoms and the headache to boot.  Luckily I have escaped migraines but….

I am making more cash at work but with the car issues I have been unable to reap the rewards of an extra $120 a month, it depresses the hell out of me.  I worked hard to get where I am.

I have been accosted with how downhill my mental health has been going and forced myself to do a bit of cleaning around the house.  This still has not saved me much and the apartment complex is terminating my lease at the end of August.

I havent had AC since last Friday.. gods know my house is too hot.. headaches. 

Been depressed, caught myself cutting and drinking too much.. tossed the liquer but not the razors. 

I’m trying to be a good girl, but right now I am staring at a bank balance of $12 and another 9 days till payday.  Life sucks.  Its the holiday and all I want to do is hide in a cool spot.

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I dont want to be a subtitute or replacement
I want to be valuable in someones eyes
I want to feel something good
But I dont want to be a rebound
I want security
I want freedom

I just want to live without illness