I want the world.. okay not that much

I have to cut back somewhere.. I am too stressed out, too frazzled and too tired to think straight at times. 

Where to cut?  I have no idea in the least as my social life means a hell of a lot to me.  Funny how being free to go and see people and do things makes you feel.  I didnt have the chance with Kander as that vortex of suck seemed to take all my energy from what I wanted to do in lieu of a ‘happy marriage’.

Right now I am working so hard and have so little that its frustrating and feels like I am just spinning my wheels.  Job isnt the funnest and I need more pay but my resumes arent pulling anything in. 

Seems that I need to get back on the ball with my writing too, been doing edition and it makes me happy.  Getting out the MLA and looking at reference books for correct punctuation, structure and the like makes me happy but then again I like detailed work when I have it.  I couldnt do it full time as I miss too much compared to the lil grammar nazi in Word.   But it is good brian exercise. 

Speaking of exercise I need to get back in the habit of the gym again.   But I hate going alone since I can not afford a real gym with like instructors… grumble

I confessed to Blood who I will not be seeing any longer and well I expected a fight over it, not a fight but condemnation of some sort.  Did not happen… I feel relieved over it believe it or not.   The person I was seeing is not on Blood’s high list, nor on mine. 

Dumb, stupid, yep the names I was called in the last straw conversation.  I had enough of that kind of emotional abuse from Kander.  I dont want that kind of relationship again where I am always wrong and not worth a hill of beans save for how they want me.

I keep too much to myself I should learn to open my mouth a bit more.

It feels good to be told you are adored.  Part of me wants more. 

I want to chase ducks, climb trees and find a swing set. 

I need more jewelry making supplies, I have ideas but no beads or jumprings.. grrrr

Yeah I want a lot..