Funeral Delays

I have wanted to get away from the house and be around people.  Its not good for me to grieve without having some support.  Things have went bust for a first try and well I would rather not be a fucking burden.

The funeral for Chipper has been delayed, my folks will not be attending due to the lateness.  Wake on Tuesday and the Funeral on Wed.  Gayle, Chippers wife, was released on Friday then was re-admitted on Saturday for heart problems.  I spoke to Lacy and Brenda tonight, Brenda is in denial and Lacy just sounds broken.  They said they had wished I had come up, but I could not.

I have thought about taking some time when I have the time to go and visit up home.  But I do not have the fortitude during a death to deal with the meddling, the crying and general depression.  I dont like to be touched much when I am this way and they would want hugs et all.  Not me.  There is a difference between affection and pity.

Just sitting here, trying to clean in spurts and not collapse.  I guess the boss at work was right in a way that I needed the days off to get my head together but I cant seem to stray too much from Chipper.  I would rather be working so I am not thinking.