Black Veil & Miss Manners

About midnight or so I came across "The Black Veil" and it stuck so I was bolting out of bead with a massive brain storm and throwing together a small webpage to send out to the Prince of Atlanta for the LARP I go to..  This is modified and you may giggle a little when reading.  But the Vampire thing at AIT is a game and well etiquette can always be requested, even amongst the undead… (*insert giggles here*)

The Black Veil

A Voluntary Code of Ethics for Vampires

1. DISCRETION
   This lifestyle is private and sacred. Respect it as such. Use discretion in who you reveal yourself to, and make certain that your motives are to truly communicate about our culture and to engender understanding. By no means should you talk to others about yourself and our community when your motives are for selfish reasons such as self-promotion, sensationalism, and attention-getting.

   Do not hide from your nature, but never show it off to those who won’t understand.

2. DIVERSITY
   Our clans are many, even though the journey we are on is essentially the same within the Camarilla. No single one of us has all the answers to who and what we are. Respect everyone’s personal views and practices. We cannot let petty differences of ideology prevent us from maintaining The Masquerade; there are enough who would attack us from the outside.

   Our diversity is our strength. Let our differences in viewpoint enrich us but never divide us upon ourselves.

3. SAFETY
   Use sense when indulging your nature. Do not flaunt what you are in public places. Feed in private and make certain your herd will be discrete about what happens between you. Donors who create rumors and gossip about us are more harm than they’re worth and should be taken care of accordingly. Screen your herd carefully, making certain they are in good health both mentally and physically.

   Never overindulge or get careless. The safety of the The Masquerade rests upon each member’s caution.

4. CONTROL
   We cannot deny the darkness within. Yet we should not allow it to control us. If our beast is given too much sway, it clouds our judgment, making us a danger. Never indulge in pointless violence. Never bring willful harm to those who sustain you. Never feed only for the sake of feeding, and never give over to mindless bloodlust.

   We are not monsters: we are capable of rational thought and self-control. Celebrate the darkness and let it empower you, but never let it enslave your will.

5. LIFESTYLE
   Live your life as an example to others in the Camarilla. We are privileged to be what we are, but power should be accompanied by responsibility and dignity. Explore and make use of your vampire nature, but keep it in balance with material demands. Remember: we may be vampires, but we are still a part of this world.

   Being what we are is not an excuse.

6. FAMILY
   We are, all of us, a family, the children of Caine, various members will not always get along. However, respect the greater community when having your disputes. Do not let your individual problems bring emotional strife to the family as a whole. Settle your differences quietly among one another, only seeking out an Elders aid in mediation when no other solution seems possible. Never bring your private disputes into public places and never draw other family members into the issue by forcing them to take sides.

   Like any family, we should always make an effort to present a stable and unified face to the rest of the Camarilla.

7. ELYSIUM
   Our Elysiums are safe places where everyone in the community can come to socialize. We should respect the Prince of these places as we should also respect the Owners and Primogeniture of the establishments and always be discrete in our behavior. We should never bring private disputes into Elysium. We should never initiate violence in Elysium.

   Elysium is the hub of the Camarilla, and we should respect it as such.

8. DOMAIN
   The community is extensive and diverse. Every city has a different way of doing things. When entering a new city, you should familiarize yourself with the Prince, his administration, Primogen and Elders. Seek out the Elysium and make your presentation. Learn what households have sway here. Get in touch with key members of the community, learn who is who, and show proper respect where it is due. You should not expect to impose your old way of doing things on this new scene. Rather you should adapt to their rules and be glad of their acceptance.

   Always be on your best behavior when coming to a new city either to visit or to stay. We are all cautious and territorial by nature, and only by making the most positive impression possible will you be accepted and respec

ted in a new community.

Now, to this I was kind of given a response by the MaDScientist and I seriously found it amusing.  Take the ‘seriousness’ and then twist it around. (Followed with some of my more flippant remarks.. in italics of course)

Miss Manners’ Guide To The Contemporary Vampire:
What I Will Do If I Am Ever The Vampire
 1. I will not pick off friends, family or neighbors of the Hero one at a time. This annoys the Hero and drives him into  action. They’ll still be there when he is dead.
(But they are so cute when they are angry and stupid!)

 2. There are thousands of people who want to be vampires. Why pick someone who doesn’t? (Evilness is making the Hero suffer with his loss of humanity.. havent you read Anne Rice?)

 3. The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake. I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle, a rocket launcher and grenades.
(How gauche, I prefer a tactical nuke myself.. )

 4. When biting women to make them slaves, I will  bite them in out-of-the-way locations such as the inside of the thigh,the lower part of the breast or other location not requiring painfully obvious alteration of clothing or ridiculous accessories to conceal.
(But thick chokers are sooo hott!!!  Besides this season scarves are IN)

 5. I will equip my home with a marvelous device called a burglar alarm with an automatic dialer. It will be difficult for the Hero to kill me while under arrest for attempted break and enter.
(Then how can I kill the motherf**ker in peace if the 5-O are in the house… )

 6. My coffin will be concealed and will be a plain wooden box. The elaborate oak coffin with gold trim resting in the  basement will be  equipped with claymores designed to shred the body  of anyone who opens it.
(This I can agree with and I tend to like the attic myself, flying out of the basement as a bat is terribly risky on my brain-pan)

 7. I will wear a watch and verify what time sunrise is everyday before heading out for the evening activities.
(Living in Nome, Alaska has its benefits too.  Looking at the horizon helps as well.)

 8. The formal attirewith cape will be reserved for special occasions.  Jeans and a t-shirt will be fine for everyday wear as they are less noticeable.
(Are you Old Clan Tzimicze?)

 9. I will not engage in a battle of wits with the Hero. I plan on killing him anyway so what’s the point?
(Why play with an unarmed opponent in the first place?)

 10. There will be no windows, doors, elevator shafts or air vents accessing my Hidden Lair that have any sort of access to the outside and which sunlight can be directed down using mirrors.
(Again, Nome Alaska for Winter and Cape Horn for the Summer)

 11. If there must be windows they will be painted over and backed with steel plate so the Hero will face a rude surprise when he throws something through it at sunrise.
(Steel doesnt stop bullets, try Kevlar)

 12. When I take the Hero’s True Love to make her my concubine and eternal slave I will not show her off to goad the Hero into  making an attack. That would goad the Hero into making an attack. She will be tucked away in a quiet room watched over  by my loyal servants until the Hero is dead.
(Ummm.. just kill the b**ch off first, eh, gads!  And she is probably tastier)

 13. I will not transform children. Their bodies will stay the same age forever while their minds grows older and they will  become whiny and disobedient.
(Tell the Tzimicze that again please!!!)

 14. I will not use bug-eating morons as servants.  Pretty females dressed in little french maid outfits are more visually appealing and can also distract the Hero.
(What about Fabio look alikes.. you never know which way the Hero really swings)

 15. While castles and mansions are traditional and have a certain flair, the two-bedroom bungalow is less noticeable in suburbia.
(We call them McMansions in Atlanta, you would never be noticed.)

 16. My home will not have wooden furniture, the legs of which become sharp, pointed sticks at inopportune moments.
(Why dont you just lock the doors?  And well wrought iron does have *some* appeal concidering the wraith problem)

 17. My home will have mirrors but they will be located in places such as the bathroom where I am unlikely to be at the same time as the Hero or his friends.
(Narcissist, but what do you expect?  Unless you are LaSombra)

 18. I will not change into a bat, scuttle up walls, fly or hypnotize people when there might be witnesses.
(Yeah, breaching the Masquerade is a bad thing buddy, just ask *cough* Prince Marius)

 19. All my concubines will be fully aware that they are not to seduce, attack or even bother visitors staying in the castle unless they have express consent from me.
(Why not just condition them in the first place?  Silly Neonate)

 20. The blood in the refrigerator will be stored in a tomato juice container and there will be ordinary food in there for camouflage.
(EWWWW!!!! Cold blood is NASTY)

 21. I will get a voice coach and change my name.   "Hi, I’m Bob," is less suspicious than "I…….am……Dra…..cu…..la."
(OMG, you must be a Malkavian!!!  Dracula is dead.. I think.. let me check.. yup)

22. I will not associate with vampire theatres, vampire whorehouses and prostitution rings, vampire bars or vampire biker gangs. They attract attention.
(And you can also blend in.. there are no such thing as vampires *snigger*)

 23. I will spend no more than 10 years in any one location and when I move it will be somewhere distant. I will not return to a previous home for a minimum of 80 years. Anyone who previously knew me will either be dead or senile.
(We actually have something to work with here.. )

 24. I will be able to explain porphyria and why that unfortunate genetic condition is the reason I cannot go out in the sun.
(Duh)

 25. I will force myself to look concerned and not hungry when someone accidentally cuts himself.
(You have that kind of control?  Wow, I must learn your secret, I love tastey cakes)

 26. A kevlar vest with a ceramic trauma plate located over the heart is a rather trendy fashion accessory.
(Its called an anti-staking plate.. learn it, wear it, love it)

 27. I will take seriously anyone who approaches me with a water pistol and a confident expression.
(But only if they exude some kind of True Faith, if not I want the water pistol and the collar.)

 28. Backpacks and small bags capable of holding sharp pointed wooden sticks will be taken from visitors by a servant (they are called ghouls) at the door.  Anyone refusing to part with their accessories will be taken into a side room and shot in the knees, handcuffed and  chained to the wall where they will provide lunch for my concubines.
(Lets add a couple of bullets to the elbows and a bit of facial reconstruction okay?)

 29. Crossbows, spears, arrows and other antique weapons with wood or large blades will be banned from the castle.  There is nothing wrong with a fine collection of rifles and handguns.
(Are you a member of the NRA?)

 30. Before dining out with anyone, I will verify that garlic is not a major spice at that restaurant.
(Garlic is a great blood seasoning, I use it often in my herd for that punch)

 31. All servants, concubines and assorted slaves will be under strict orders not to show excessive devotion to me in public.
(Unless I have made notice of my harem)

 32. Servants, concubines and assorted slaves will have a zero- tolerance rule: one mistake and they’re dead. I can always create more.
(AMEN!)

 33. When recruiting new blood, so to speak, I will first enslave those who might notice odd behavior in my future concubines and will do something about it. Thus, when I hit the the local all-female school, The Tomboy Who Could Be Attractive With The Right Makeup goes first, followed quickly by the Misunderstood But Brave Social Pariah and The Attractive Girl With The  Heart Of Gold. The good-looking cheerleaders, the sexually  repressed  teachers/librarians, and the oversexed bimbos can wait.
(Cheerleaders are icky.. too many laxitives int he blood…)

 34. All future concubines will be screened and have complete background checks. Those with relatives named Van Helsing will  be removed from consideration. The irony is not  worth the risk.
(Not that I care, but then again I think you are Malkavian)

 35. Nothing says the Hero can’t be a cripple or be suffering massive trauma from a shotgun blast before he becomes lunch.
(Double AMEN!)

 36. I will not personally finish off the Hero. That is what loyal servants, concubines and assorted slaves are for.   Besides, the True Love is probably tastier.
(I already told you so)

 37. All future concubines will be strip-searched for rosaries, crucifixes and garlic before I approach them.
(What is with the garlic and holy crap??  Only does True Faith annoy me, and then again not much there.. I wasnt Christian in the first place)

 38. All cute but spunky kids in the community who express an interest in the supernatural will be identified and  observed for sudden changes in behavior.
(And later will become my ghouls.. who wants a bunch of misfits to be vampires?  Oh yeah the Malkavians)

 39. I will be an upstanding but otherwise undistinguished resident of my community and will make sure that I cultivate  enough friends that I will be warned of anyone spreading malicious rumors about me.
(This is why we have influences.. duh)

 
CONTINUED…..