Mike…

It was 20 days ago that I told Mike that Eric and I were trying things exclusively. I was in AZ at the time. I hated sending him the message, but I am honest and truthful and wasn’t going to string him along while I was out of town.

It was the morning after my crazy night out with Nichole, Kaitlyn, Marc, Jesse and Foster…where I stayed up to 430AM by the pool with Marc.

Mike: How was last night

Me: Late! And really fun! I finally crashed around 430AM here. And was at boozy brunch by 930AM LOL. Did you have fun last night?

Mike: WOW that’s a late night. It turned into a fun night

Me: Good!!! I’m so glad! What did you do?

Mike: Bingo, Rusty’s and Dixie lol. This one guy kept buying shots

Me: Haha We had a similar experience last night 

Mike: Well hopefully the guy buying you shots put out 

Me: Haha Did the guy buying you shots put out?

Mike: Nope lol, but a 430AM bedtime sounds like yours did

Me: Haha no. I did stay up that late out at my friend’s pool talking to someone who was probably trying to…but I behaved

Mike: Why would you behave lol

Me: It’s complicated lol More to do with Eric. Probably not what you want to hear about

Mike: You behaved because of the guy in Maine? Was he there?

Me: In Mass. No he wasn’t there. But a lot has happened in the last few days. He left his gf. Moved out. Had an offer accepted on a house and will close in about 30 days. He wants to figure out what our relationship will look like.

Mike: Oh wow ok. Well I hope it works out for you

Me: I do too. I’m still a little unsure of what I want it to be like. But I know I want to give it a chance. So, we are trying to talk through it and figure it out

Mike. Ok. Well I will leave you alone and hope the best for you.

And I didn’t respond. I should have. I told myself I would think about how to. And then I said “tomorrow.” And then tomorrow came and I said “later, I’ll think of a response later” And the next day came…and the next. And eventually it seemed too late.

Eric told me I should reach out to him and tell him he’s welcome to join for the game still.

So this morning, I texted:

I should have responded to this but I wasn’t sure what to say and then I let too much time pass…but I really didn’t intend for you to leave me alone. I can respect if that is what you need but I still have room for good friends in my life! I’d love for you to still join us for the game on the 4th if you’re interested. If you can’t go, let me know and I’ll buy it off of you and find someone in the group to buy it – but my preference is that you come and enjoy watching the Yankees lose.

Mike: It was pretty clear the night at dinner that he is not really interested in the lifestyle. So with you going to make it work with him I just know that anything else would stop. Yes friends are a nice thing to have but there was more than just friends. 

WOW. Okay. More than just friends. I guess, if you count the sex. Yes. But he was always the “no titles, no pressure, no expectations, just fun.” But he clearly caught feelings. I don’t recall saying that Eric was 100% not into the lifestyle – but I am sure me mentioning exclusive was probably all that I had to say.

I consulted Eric on a response. Eric was delayed with work in getting back to me and I was crafting (but hadn’t sent anything) explaining where we were at. Eric chimes in “I’d say ‘okay, how would you like to handle your ticket then.'”

Ouch.

Me: That’s all?

Eric: Yup. There’s nothing else to say

Sigh. I had so much I wanted to say. Maybe he’s right. But it felt terrible,

Me: Why do I feel so badly about this?

Eric: He wants you to say more to keep the conversation going so he can talk about how he thinks you’re not going to be satisfied without being in the lifestyle but there isn’t a need to talk about anything else but the ticket at this point. It’s a business transaction at this point!!!

Eric: It’s never easy to hurt someone but he has clearly stated that he doesn’t want to be just friends with you so at this point furthering the communication about the two of you will be viewed as an opportunity for him to potentially be with you.

Me: Ok

I want to say more. But what? That I would possibly want more too. But, I’d never sacrifice what I have with Eric for it. I just wish I could have both. And how does that work exactly? It probably doesn’t. If Mike has feelings, it will forever complicate things and then I probably would lose both. And, I do NOT see Mike as a life partner. He’s the party. The fun. I could have feelings for him. But, he’s not my future. He doesn’t check the boxes. At least not a lot of them…things that are missing….

1. Likes kids
2. Stable career (questionable…he does….but unsure of his goals and income options)
3. Owns a house (or capable of doing so soon)
4. Good credit (not definitive but from things he’s said, I don’t think he’s financially responsible)
5. Financially responsible (he provides for himself, but I don’t see the retirement account building…)
6. Protects me…he has but maybe not in the way I need
7. Communication – questionable – we have been okay, but I have seen the passive aggression, the quick temper, the jealousy.
8. Sex drive – we have fun together, but I’ve seen his ED pills, and he’s not performing like Eric
9. Physically healthy – he has several things going on

 

He is not my partner. But I can’t help but feel terribly for hurting him. And miss the fun. And pine for it a bit.

Before I can decide how to soften Eric’s response and put it into a text to Mike, Mike replies again, And I am not sure about the game yet.

Me: Okay. I understand. It would be great to see you there if you decide to come. But, I get it.

Mike: I hope all is well and this what you truly want

Me: Things are going well. I’m happy. How are you doing?

Mike: I’m going great thanks. Glad you are happy!

Me: Thank you 🙂 I’m glad you’re doing well too!

It goes as well as I can hope. I do hope he comes to the game. I hope he and Eric meet and enjoy one another’s company and things can be….something. It’s high hopes, I know. Especially because I know Mike may be a little to machismo to handle it. And it’s going to be like playing with fire, having Mike, Miguel and Eric all together LOL. Miguel, I really don’t care about. But, I’d like to see Mike.