I saw matt

I saw matt tonight. He met me at the dog park with the dogs. It was great to see my pups. I felt like a deadbeat mom having a supervised visit at the playground 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Mostly kidding!

For real, it was great to see the dogs. Matt seemed mostly good. He says he’s 233 days sober. He thanked me for calling him out. I think he might actually be sober. Maybe. But I don’t think 233 days is correct. I don’t know why he would lie about it. But that would put the last time he used at the end of January and I’m about certain that AT LEAST through February he was using. I am not confident he wasn’t using longer. I hope he is sober now. He says he’s back at meetings. And that he’s in therapy. I encouraged him to find his trigger and a healthier coping mechanism. He seemed surprised by that advice. But agreed that maybe he needed to do that work still.

he is back working in an ER. I guess his travel nursing plans didn’t pan out. He’d been out or the ER for so long his experience wasn’t valuable. But this gig is paying well and will offer pension after 10 years if he can stick it out. Big if.

he says he’s happy. But that things are different. He elaborated that everything he thought his life would be and his dreams are gone and he’s just sort of figuring stuff out now. It was strange to hear. I guess that’s where I am too. But I feel so content with it. So much at peace, that while it IS different it’s a good different.

he told me I liked great and looked beautiful. He could tell I was happy.

I told him I’m dating. Someone from Boston. He laughed the biggest belly laugh. He knew me and cold. It just made him laugh. We both laughed. He knew of Eric from my past.

i told him I finally understood what he’d been talking about in regards to being his authentic self. I think he thought I was referencing myself. I did mean that I understood personally but I was trying to tell him that I finally understood him. How he’d felt. But he injected that he could tell. It was obvious that I was there. I explained my intentions further. But I agreed, yes! I felt it too.

i told him I’d found my love for kink again. I knew it would surprise him a bit, but what I wasn’t expecting was how happy that made him. He was so happy for me. Like I’d gifted him something big.

He’s apparently putting the 16’ kitchen table in storage. It seems like such an strange thing to store. Why pay to store it? He told me if ever I wanted it, I could have it. I laughed and said my new house was as big as that table.

It was way more pleasant than I expected. He told me he still had so much love for me. He invited me to do the dog park again when I’m back in October. I’ll probably take him up on it.