Date with Miguel

I had a date with Miguel on Monday. We met up for sushi. We have only been talking for about a week, but I feel like we know each other very well. He asks a lot of thoughtful questions. He brought me beautiful flowers, roses, explaining he tried to find my favorite, gerbera daisies, but hadn’t been successful. So sweet that he brought flowers, but even sweeter that he’d found out my favorite flowers and made that attempt!

We had a great dinner, great conversation.

Saturday prior, we’d both been at the same birthday party. We hung out a bit. At the end of the night, he and I went with two of his friends (Marte and Shanny) to a club/bar 25 mins north and closed it down. Miguel drove all of us. It was nice getting to know all of them a bit better. Marte is in school for counseling and thought it would be fun to play drunken therapist. It was entertaining – and deep. Marte “saw” me in a way I didn’t think most people got until they’d known me for awhile.

To be honest, I was a little more attracted to Marte in that moment….definitely dug his vibe. But, he was there was Shanny and I know he’s not worth chasing down.

At the end of Saturday night, Miguel kissed me goodnight and it was nice.

Same at the end of dinner Monday night – even a little better.

I still have had this nagging feeling that he may be a bit more into me than I am into him.

 

A text conversation with Miguel today….

M: I know we have had both serious and in-depth conversations which I have felt comfortable with. However, I must admit you a very intimidating woman! I usually handle that well thou!

Me: I would love to know more about how I come across as intimidating I have heard that before, definitely in my professional world. I always smile when I hear it because I don’t think of myself that way, but it’s interesting to hear how people see me!

M: Oh well you don’t look it at all. You look very nice and pleasant. It is not the look at all! Now, your a Dir. of HR for a company and you where a child advocate. You have been married and from the pictures your house was/is beautiful! Divorce and handling from what I can well! all by 40 all I can say is

M: And I have only scratched the surface of Ryanne. However, for me I want to find out more. I already find you attractive and all of this just adds to it

Me: That is very flattering

M: Sat you said you liked hair pulling and restraints. Which damn your perfect

Me: Now I am laughing HAHAHA

M: Everytime we have talked it just gets better

 

I knew – he looks at me like Eric looks at me. And I don’t look at him like I look at Eric. At least not yet. But I don’t know if I see that changing. So I sent him a really long series of messages after he got off work today.

 

”

I promised you complete transparency and openness and I want to make sure I keep that up. When we started talking last week, this wasn’t even on my mind, and really has only resurfaced in the last couple of days.

Backstory. I have a really good friend, of 22 years, Eric. We met in college – actually we met my senior year of high school when I toured the school, and he was a college freshman LOL. But, we got to know each other better when school started. We were a little more than friends in college, but never dated. Our timing was never right and I never really saw him as dating material. Over 20 years, we have kept in touch. Sometimes we’d talk fairly regularly for a few months – and then not again for maybe a year. Rinse and repeat. I last saw him (before this year) in 2007 when I flew up to Alaska to visit him.

In January he reached out to me – it had probably been 6-months since we’d last talked. He wanted to know the secret to my long-lasting marriage, because he was about to go through his 2^nd divorce. Well, I had no answers as I was well into my first divorce. We started talking a lot. He is a police officer and would work some late night details – and he would call and talk on the phone while I packed. We picked back up where we’d left off and grew even closer.

In March he flew to AZ for my birthday weekend. We had an incredible 4-days together. It surprised us both. Before this trip, and even after, I was in complete denial of anything being more than “just fun” with him. My friends who met him on this trip loved and all expressed how “perfect” he was….but all I would say was “never, never never going to happen.” And….meanwhile, back in Massachusetts, where he lives, he had a new girlfriend.   So we both continued with life, continued talking, no expectations.

I moved to FL in April, and he decided to come to FL in May for 4 days. Another great trip! We both had a lot of feelings after that trip and weren’t really sure what to do. My “never never never” was softened to a “maybe?” We decided to commit to seeing one another more often and going from there. But, he still had a girlfriend.

In June we went to CA together for 8 days. His kids live in CA. I didn’t meet them. I worked from the hotel during the day while he went and did stuff with them. And when he was done, we’d enjoy our time together. At the end of that trip, he’d decided he wanted to leave his girlfriend and we had discussions about what our future together looked like.

A lot changed in the week or so after that. He had a lot of personal things come up, including needing to find a new place to live quickly, and decided to move in with his girlfriend.
I understood where he was at, but I couldn’t keep continuing like we were. I told him as much. I told him to see his relationship through, that I could still be his friend, but I couldn’t see him anymore until he was living in his own place and he was single (or in a consensual open relationship.)

Our communication slowed down. We still talked, but it wasn’t the same.

And then we started talking 😊

Over the last week-ish, he’s been reaching out more. He’s been communicating the last couple days that he wants more with me and really isn’t happy in his current relationship and is now ready to make the change he talked about in June. I’ve told him “I’ll believe it when it happens.” I am not changing anything about what I’m doing in the meantime. I am still out, dating, meeting people, having fun. He knows this and wouldn’t ask anything different.

He’s in California now with his kids and won’t be back in MA until the first week of Aug. I feel like he is serious about making a change. But, I really do mean, “I’ll believe it when it happens.”

I’ve told him that as far as he and I go, it all depends on his timing. We had a conversation last night about this. As it stands today, if he were suddenly single and living on his own, I would give a committed relationship with him a try. But, I make no promises to how I’ll feel in the future depending on how long he takes to figure out his life.

So, that’s my very honest novel for today. If I had known this was going to pop up again, I don’t think I would have agreed to dinner. I care about you and don’t want to hurt you. I really am not sure where things with Eric are headed and won’t know for at least a few more weeks. I would enjoy spending time with you still, but I don’t want to do so, just to possibly get to a point where Eric and I decide to try things together, and then dump all of this on you.

I wasn’t sure if this was a better in person conversation or not…but I don’t know when I am going to get out this week. And I don’t like waiting. If nothing else, you’ll always get the truth from me.”

He responded beautifully. “Well I understand. Of course upsetting but we were not in a relationship. You are a person worth waiting for in more ways than one. I can understand not wanting to go out until you figure things out but I am not necessarily ready for a relationship either. I don’t mind being friends until it is all resolved. If by then I find someone then friends we are. I guess we will see what the future holds! If that is your person then I fully support you! If not we can revisit again but until then I would like to at least talk?”

I told him that I wanted to continue to talk and continue our friendship and I thanked him for making it less difficult.

 

I do have a second date set up with Mike for Friday. I am not worried about him developing feelings. I think we’re on the same “let’s have fun page” So that will be easier.