A great week in Boston
Boston was great. It went by too quickly. We are slowly getting closer to how “real life” would look, but still have some miles to go.
He is in the hotel still (until Sunday…5 more days and he moves into his house!!!) So, it was hotel living. Far from real life.
He worked. I worked. That was the first time we both worked while together. Although, the hotel was in his city, so he could take breaks and lunches to stop by and see me while on duty. The house is 20 minutes outside of his city, so that is far from what “real life” will be like. He knows I LOVE lobster rolls and wanted to enjoy one while in Boston. He walked into the hotel room, Tuesday, late morning, holding a bag, “Here, I bought you something.” Not even knowing what it was, I was touched. And thanked him profusely! He laughed and said “you don’t even know what it is!” I told him it didn’t matter…but as soon as I opened the bag and saw the most delicious lobster roll, my excited and gratitude grew! I figured maybe we’d get one for dinner one night. But, I didn’t imagine such a delicious lunchtime surprise.
Monday I got to see the house! His house…our house. The house I’ll be spending a lot of time at. It’s so different than the house I had with Matt. Matt and my house is 24 years old. It was 16 years old when we bought it. This house is 142 years old! So right off the bat, we know there are differences. Houses are built more spacious, open and modern today than they were in 1880. BUT! For a house built in 1880, it’s really nice and well maintained. The floors are beautiful. Most of the rooms are fairly decently sized. They are certainly not my gigantic dining and living room in AZ! I think my dining room or living room alone was about the size of the entire downstairs of Eric’s house. My old house was over 3x the size. The hardest part I think to get used to will be the bathroom sizes. There are 2 bathrooms, but only 1 shower (2 tubs.) And they are both incredibly tiny. I think I’ll need a vanity in the bedroom to do makeup – not even sure how I could possibly do it in the bathroom. I am really going to have to think about how I store soaps and shampoos. Closet space is pretty limited too – but there are 3-bedrooms, so I am sure we can split our clothing amongst them as needed. I am letting Eric pick out furniture and paint, etc. I want this to be his space – because if it doesn’t work out between us, I don’t want to have influenced something I don’t stay in. The house is pretty great overall. And I see it as a medium term house. But, if eventually I do move in full-time….and maybe we get another year past that, I could see us buying something else together. It is hard to say with the market what will happen. But, it would be nice to have it as a rental property and purchase something else in a couple years that was more spacious.
Tuesday night we had dinner at my friends’ Allison and Josh’s house. Eric was possibly going to get stuck working late, not by choice. So, at lunchtime, Allison picked me up (80 min drive, with traffic!) and I took a long lunch break driving back to her house. I set up in her office and finished my workday there. THANKFULLY Eric managed to get off of work after only an hour of OT and joined for dinner. The night went well. Although, maybe my friends weren’t as positive about it as I expected.
So I felt that the evening went well. Eric was charismatic. I enjoyed watching him and Josh chit chat when I’d left the room with Allison at one point. It’s something that wasn’t always available with Matt. Allison used to live in AZ and she met Matt once, at Zoo Lights. She was my neighbor and I saw her a lot…but as she says, she’d hardly have known I was even married. I barley talked about Matt and he never joined me for things. So even Eric coming to dinner and the amount she knows about him is like a big improvement…and she recognizes it.
I ALWAYS value honestly from my friends. And I’m glad she called me and chatted about how she and Josh reviewed the evening. But I am not sure what to do with the info or how to feel about it all. Well, I am getting there. I was more unsure in the moment, but having had a few days, I am more okay with it now. Initially, I knew I could kind of brush it off and “defend it” but I had been worried that maybe there’s something more I should be doing or thinking about. But also, I don’t want to dwell on someone else’s opinion and have it negatively effect something that’s not a problem.
1. Josh didn’t have much info on the situation. I had briefed him very briefly before Eric got there. But he didn’t know all the good or all the bad like Allison. He told Allison after we left that had he not known anything he wouldn’t have known if we were coworkers or friends or what our relationship was…we weren’t all touchy and PDA like he’d expect from a new relationship. I guess I’m not bothered by this because I know how strong our sexual chemistry is!! And I find it a little immature and disrespectful to PDA all over someone’s dinner party…but maybe there’s something in between? Allison pointed out to Josh that they weren’t any different all evening and his only thought was they are an established married couple and we are NRE and he’d expect it to be different. But it’s in my head a bit now, wanting to make sure we have the right chemistry all the time?? But, the more I thought about it, and talked with a couple close girlfriends, they agree with me – PDA at a dinner party, just ewww. No. I think we are okay!
2. During conversations we didn’t share stories about the other or “back each other up” in conversations. This one was a weird one to me. We all talked about social issues, social media, how kids are affected by cell phones and social media, risk assessments in Josh’s job as it relates to social media, etc. Not much to share about each other with these. So it was an odd takeaway. Eric asked a lot of questions about how they met and got to know them. I think because Allison knows “our story” the same types of questions weren’t reciprocated. So, I don’t really know what they expected? No questions were asked and most of the topic was on worldly topics. We also have spent 20 years apart, so it’s not like we have 20 years of stories to share yet either!
3. Eric doesn’t have a ton of close friends here. He’s shared with me that he’s had shared friends of Jen and Leslie. He DOES have friends that he occasionally grabs a drink or cigar with. But not the 40+ friends that I seem to juggle LOL! And not a lot in Boston that are his own. It’s a red flag for Allison. Eric is content being alone and doesn’t need the social time I do. He is “on” all day. I am too, but now that I’m WFH…I need to get out after work and not be home 24-7. She worries that his willingness to socialize now while we are in “vacation mode” is short lived and not reality. She worries he won’t keep pace with me. Eric and I have discussed this, and I think it’s a balance for us both. If he works a double, no he doesn’t want to go out. And for me, I need to socialize, but if I have a partner to enjoy time with in, I can have some nights in. We can meet in the middle on this.
4. He is super personable. Allison calls it “working a room” like he’s at work. Yeah, somewhat. I think it’s him. She sees it as his profession making him good at social events. I think he is good at his profession because he’s good at socializing. He likes his job because he likes to be mobile and active and interact with other people. And maybe he works a room like a cop…because he is one. However, I think it’s more that it’s his personality and that’s what makes him good at this job. Whenever I compliment him on his sociability he doesn’t understand what he does different than anyone else. He just is being himself and doesn’t get why anyone would go to dinner and act any other way. I agree, why would anyone go to dinner and act any other way!?!
I did eventually end up sharing this with Eric. He had asked me Wednesday on the way to dinner (with another friend) what was on my mind. It wasn’t the time or place so I punted it to later. He came back Thursday for a break and asked me again then. I shared what was said and my general disagreement with everything. We got interrupted by him having to go to a call, so the conversation ended abruptly. Not badly, but just abruptly. I wasn’t sure how he was feeling about it all. That night, while we laid in bed, he told me he’d initially been a little frustrated by all of it, but after having some time to process he was feeling okay. He knows it came from a place of concern and he was okay with it all. Even if he (and I) didn’t totally agree with it all. I absolutely love that he could take a little time to process and come back to me. I think we both handle information similarly. I also love that he accepted that I needed time to process and was able to give me that time and approach me again the next day.
So after some thought on all of it, I am not really worried. But, I am feeling a little gun shy around Allison and Andi. I am not at ALL mad about them sharing. I share how I feel with my friends, and a pretty intimate look at my life and relationships, with my close friends, ALL the time. I think with them, I need to back off a bit. I’ve muted our group chat for a couple of days and am just focusing more on work and me. It’s not personal, but I think it’s important.
Wednesday night in Boston, one of my best friends from high school, Allie, came down from Maine. I am so honored that she would also drive 90 mins to meet for dinner. Eric took us to a great sushi place. And then we went to a distillery for a drink after. We had one drink there and headed to a local dive. We all drank a lot more than I expected we would. Allie ended up falling asleep for several hours with us at the hotel before driving home. Nothing crazy happened at the hotel, but there was some fun spankings that took place….LOL of course. Eric is still learning more of my BDSM side. Allie is quite familiar – having been to parties with me in the past and she’s played with Matt and Bailey (like, it feels like a lifetime ago!) So she was egging him on, for more for me. It was nice that he saw my limits through someone else’s eyes.
Thursday we had a much more lowkey evening. Our last night there. We had great sex (I mean every night!), looked through furniture and paint colors, walked to get something easy for dinner, and just enjoyed time with one another at the hotel.
Friday I took a couple hours of PTO, we went and got pedicures, had dinner, and I headed to the airport. My flight got into Orlando MUCH later than anticipated and I ended up getting a hotel in Orlando for the night….driving home Saturday morning.